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Re: stuck thewrite1

Posted by mair on January 17, 2005, at 17:23:20

In reply to stuck, posted by thewrite1 on January 17, 2005, at 16:57:33

When do you see her again? - I'm sorry you're hurting so much, but it really does sound to me like she's trying to let you know that she's not going to abandon you and that she wants to be there for you in whatever way is effective.

Also, I wouldn't worry about the dependency aspect, because it sounds to me like you really need to be able to lean on someone now. Worry about dependencies when you're feeling a lot better.

Not terribly long ago I was talking to my T about therapeutic goals. It really shocked me when she said one of her primary goals was to reduce my isolation. I guess it surprised me because in my mind her goal had nothing to do with improving my life. To me improving my life means I get depressed less easily and frequently - it never occurred to me that improving my life had anything to do with what happens when I am depressed. But I guess from her perspective, she knows that I'm always really going to need her until I develop other support systems (I'm not at all sure I'm making any sense here)

Anyway, my bugaboo is that when I'm most depressed I cut myself off from possible avenues of support, not in a physical way, just internally. I share the fact that I'm in such pain with no one, except maybe my T and she knows I'm loathe to call her between sessions. So maybe what your therapist is trying to do is reduce your own sense of isolation, and if feeling needy and dependent makes you feel a connection to her, then that's a good thing right now.

I don't mean to be presumptuous, but I think what maybe is going on is that you are so isolated emotionally, and she is your life support at the moment, and maybe you need more palpable evidence from her that she's ok with you needing her because she really worries about you and cares about you. I think it's important for you to keep communicating that to her, because I think if you do, she'll let you know that it's totally all right for you to depend on her so much now, and she'll appreciate knowing what she can do to be a more reassuring presence.

I'm sorry to ramble so much.

Mair

And of course we're all here too.


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poster:mair thread:443283
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050117/msgs/443295.html