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Re: Unsatisfying session today, makes me question crushedout

Posted by mair on January 17, 2005, at 14:04:54

In reply to Unsatisfying session today, makes me question, posted by crushedout on January 17, 2005, at 13:26:16

Crushed - I've noticed that when my T tries to finish my sentences, she's not infrequently off the mark in identifying what I wanted to say. She's also been positing theories for years about the way I was parented that I've simply never bought because I've never been able to tap into the feelings she keeps telling me I must have had.

At times, these off the mark observations have made me think that she grasps at explanations that are just too easy or that she doesn't understand me or that she just lacks insight. I don't think any of it makes her a bad T, in fact I think she's a good T and that we're a decent fit.

If she indicates to me by one of her responses that she hasn't really understood what I was saying, it just tells me that I need to explain things better and probably forces me into a deeper level of communication. I've mostly stopped worrying about those theories of hers that I don't buy, because having talked about them ad nauseum, I'm no longer convinced that the perfect theory is going to do me that much good anyway. We work alot on having me be more comfortable talking about emotional reactions, particularly ones I have with her. She's great at talking openly about our relationship and although it's taken an eternity, I'm realizing that I do talk about stuff more openly and easily with her.

But for Daisy's T, the perfect T doesn't exist, and there are always going to be some things in the relationship that don't work as well as you like. I think you need to evaluate whether the things that bother you now are or should be "deal killers" or whether they're things you can work on with her.





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