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Re: 10derheart(VERY long) 10derheart

Posted by messadivoce on January 15, 2005, at 23:59:04

In reply to Re: 10derheart(VERY long) messadivoce, posted by 10derheart on January 15, 2005, at 23:25:22

Okay 10derheart, first a huge THANK YOU for being willing to dissect my huge rambling post and help me make sense of this. I am feeling a little better today. I got his e-mail Thursday and after many tears, stayed in bed late Friday morning (no class til 12 anyway) which is my typical response to I've been busy so not much time to really think.

My boyfriend has been really wonderful and supportive through this whole ordeal, but you can't really re-hash stuff with guys like you can with women friends, can you? Unfortunately, none of my women friends have been through this and those who with whom I've tried to share have gotten tired of the continuing saga, and I've been told by one good friend that I need to get over it.

Okay, so I'd REALLY like to hear gardenergirl's (anyone else too) take on the 2-year APA thing. I have read that guideline to mean no SEXUAL relationship til after 2 years, and that all things social fall in the grey area. I'm going to ask my current T about it. But I wish he would say "I believe such-and-such" instead of trying to apply a very vague rule to our specific situation. Honestly, I could respect that more if I knew it was coming from HIM.

He's a young'n, relatively. He's 35 and a postdoctoral fellow so maybe I need to take that into account. I find it personally crappy that I have to be his learning experience, however. Another thing that occured to me is that he's JUST a man. Not too profound, I know, but I loved (still do) him so much and tended to overlook his shortcomings in our sessions because I think I wanted him to be perfect and not disappoint me. And finally, if I'm going to love him, I've got to take the good with the bad, the pride with the compassion, and his mess-ups along with his good intentions.

I hope that you aren't bored with this topic yet. :-) If you have any other thoughts please don't hesitate, you or anyone else. I'm on my own here and I don't get to see my T until Thursday. And I doubt she will be as much help as you've been. I sent her a copy of the e-mail and she replied that she hoped I could see the positives in it as well as the limitations. She's a take-no-BS kind of woman, so maybe she saw through his smokescreen comment about the 2 year/APA thing. We'll have to see. I know she will do her best to help, but I just haven't connected with her like I did with my old T.





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