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Re: about having a dx or not

Posted by Camille Dumont on January 5, 2005, at 22:39:55

In reply to Re: about having a dx or not Camille Dumont, posted by terrics on January 5, 2005, at 17:38:58

> Hi.
> It is nice to here that someone had a very similar experience. I had many DXs...all axis 1 originally until some really crazy therapist told me I was borderline. I knew a little about it so I cried for 2 hrs, in my car.. She was afraid of me, I think.
> I did alot of reading and knew it was me. I found a new pdoc and therapist(dbt). She is a pain, but I learn alot from her. I am changing some of my self defeating ways..Good luck. It must feel great to accept yourself. When you have time and if you want to perhaps you can explain how one learns self-acceptance. terrics

There is no magic receipe really. In a way for me it felt better to know what was wrong than to just know that something was wrong.

I remember reading something about life being somewhat like being neck deep in a river ... if you just try to stand still and face the current's full force and to resist, you are doomed to fail. On the other hand, if you accept that the current will sweep you away, you can swim and eventually end up where you want to go. Basically, work on what you can change and stop obsessing about what you cannot change.

In a way I see it as if, for example, I had been born without a leg or had lost one in some accident. Now there are prosthesis that will somewhat emulate a leg but no matter how many pills you take, how sorry for yourself you become, you're just never going to grow a leg. Its the thing that you can't change ... its the river that you're in.

Similarly, I have SPD, the fact that some see it as "pathological" has little relevance to me. I'm wired in a certain way which makes me rather asocial and independent. I'm just never going to grow that part of the brain that makes people like being with other people ... I'm just missing that part and well, there isn't much I can do about it. Its never going to go away, no matter how many antipsychotics and antidepressant I take and no matter how many thousands of dollars I blow in theraphy. What I can do is arrange my life so as not to be overwhelmed by others and maintain a job which guarantees me my sacrosaint independence.

In a way perhaps acceptance is to stop seeing your dx as a disease but rather something that you have to live with, like your height, the color of your skin, etc. There is no "normal" mental state ... there are only different ones. For me SPD is not a flaw, not a "problem" or something to be ashamed with ... it is an uncomon type of personality.

Maybe it means I'm not really jovial and maybe it means I come of as rude or even mean but it is who I am. Those who cannot live with that can simply remove themselves from my presence or tell me to go away. I no longer pretend to be someone that I am not because that was what was hurting me ... and made me want to die ... not the SPD.


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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:Camille Dumont thread:436755
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050105/msgs/438335.html