Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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just wanted to share

Posted by lifeworthliving on December 9, 2004, at 0:35:13

i'm a single mom to a pile of kids, full time college student, with a tidy enough home, who serves a lot of cereal for dinner (but not without a fair amount of guilt). i maintain a fragile sense of balance with a lot of prayer, faith, overexercising, ice cream, and regular therapy. after nearly three years of crying, processing and growing, i barely recognize myself or my life anymore, mostly i'm in awe, still deny quite a bit, but somewhere i know the truth: it was really bad, and i can't believe i'm still alive. to let all that in at once seems impossible, so i do it in one hour increments (sometimes two) on a regular basis, and have relaxed a little bit in my attachment to my therapist. i mostly think i'm too old to be engaged in such nonsense, but it feels constructive, nevermind my life continues to improve in meaningful ways, and most days, i like what my life says about me. i imagine i appear "normal" (i use the term loosely) and no one would guess how unbelieveably corny and mushy i've found myself to be. i might have always known this, but refused to believe i needed the things i do, until i ended up in therapy. i'm the accidental client, if you will. it's confusing to me that i'm all the "parts" i think i am. the responsible parent and college student who hauls a$$ all day, writes good papers, and takes nice care of my kids;and the part that shows up in my therapists office crying under a blanket while she holds my hand. how to reconcile this? does anybody else have trouble with the completely different person you meet in counseling? i'm not sure where i'm going with this... i thought i was going to share that i got a tape today from my t. mostly relaxation but at the end she talks for 10 minutes... positive affirmations type stuff, but also says my name, the sweetest sound on earth! i'm so embarrassed (ashamed) to be so touched by this and to be so thrilled at the same time, to have this in my possession... ALONG WITH A BLANKET FROM HER OFFICE THAT SMELLS LIKE HER!!! do you know how much i'm looking forward to going to bed every night? i've never had it so good!!! for the love of gawd, i'm in my 30's? what is happening? i don't feel desperate (it's really kind of ok for now) but only as long as nobody else knows. so i sometimes feel like i'm leading a double life. my friends wouldn't laugh at me, but i know they would be very surprised to see me like this in therapy. does this mean anything? my therp is leaving town until the end of jan. all the goodies i already have will make this bearable. nevermind, i know where to find her, even on the other side of the world. this makes me feel so fortunate. and it's so strange to have this kind of love for someone... and hope she loves me too. i don't think i could bear it if it isn't true.





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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:lifeworthliving thread:426550