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Re: makes me feel worse(long/* trigger*) 10derheart

Posted by LG04 on December 7, 2004, at 21:06:08

In reply to Re: makes me feel worse(long/* trigger*), posted by 10derheart on December 7, 2004, at 19:08:29

HI Tenderheart,
Just wanted to say that I am in a very similar situation as you. I am in post-termination contact with my former therapist over phone and email. Finally this week I put a call in to a new therapist...couldn't even envision doing it before. And I know that if I start with a new therapist, that I will have to stop being in regular contact with my old therapist b/c as she said, there is only one slot in a person's life for a therapist. You can't build two therapist relationships just like you can't have two spouses (at the same time i mean) or whatever.

I can't imagine not being in touch with her anymore. I imagine that I might still email her and call her once in a while. I can't just give her up completely. Also, we have discussed the idea of being friends after at least a year has gone by since termination. So I know that's a possibility, although it also might not happen. We live in two different countries (she's halfway across the world) and I will be visiting that country probably every summer for 1-2 months, and I know that I will see her when I visit. So a part of me knows it won't be the END of our relationship but rather an end of a phase. But what the next phase will be, neither of us knows and i have HUGE issues with wanting to always know -- in advance -- the outcome of relationships so that I can protect myself from getting hurt.

And either way, I can't imagine it being as good or close as our therapeutic relationship has been. There is something about the love between a therapist and client, when it's there, that is simply not able to be replicated in other relationships. On the other hand, there is something very special about having close, intimate friends. I try not to think about the future though b/c it's just not possible to know what it will bring between us. My task at hand is to deal with the here and now, and that means giving her up at this time, or soon. And that is very sad to me and very difficult. I so much miss being so close with her. I've never felt as close to anyone before as I have felt with her. And that feeling is fading.

Like you, we haven't talked about exactly how we would stop being in contact. I don't think either of us looks forward to it but we know it's necessary. And I have had some intense transference/dependence upon her, though it's lessening more each day, so for that reason too it will probably be good at some point to take a "time out" and then see where we each are at when we resume contact.

It's definitely a painful situation, leaving a beloved therapist. But I am so much better about it emotionally than I was 6 months ago, when the very thought of leaving her made me feel certain that I would die. I just couldn't believe that I could literally live without her, without seeing her and being in therapy with her. And I am living and I am functioning well overall and I am getting more used to her being less and less a part of my life. It amazes me to think that I did it, that I moved back to America even though it meant leaving my therapist.

Anyway this has been long...just wanted to say that I really relate to your situation and will be interested to hear how it goes with starting a new therapist and how you and your old therapist decide to stop being in contact, etc.





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