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Pride (In the name of love) daisym

Posted by Aphrodite on December 5, 2004, at 19:25:50

In reply to Re: Diversifying my Portfolio (long) Aphrodite, posted by daisym on December 5, 2004, at 15:13:38

My subject line is also the title of a U2 song in addition to my big vice right now. U2 has been my musical therapy since I was 11. I've had a crush on Bono for over 20 years. At least I am loyal! I had a great image of you and your sons "lovin' touchin' squeezin'" each other dancing to Journey;) And sheesh, I haven't thought about Greg Kihn in years!!!

I think the upbeat stuff is great advice, but I tend to have such a high-energy schmoozing kind of job that I feel like I am always "on". I have a reputation of being funny, and always feel pressured to be the life of the party. I feel like I have a smile plastered on my face 40+ hours a week. My work colleagues say I *am* the hospitality committee as I throw every party, shower, etc. Ironic, isn't it? Jim Carrey calls it the "mask of mirth." So, when I need to soothe, I go for the serious, relaxing things because that is more of my authentic me.

Back to Pride. It's definitely that. I have a conflict of interest in still wanting my T to think I am together, competent, and independent. Sometimes, I feel like he rewards those qualities. So, I've tried to let him in on the pain in a very detached way, but it's like *he* is resisting, and I have WAY too much pride to meltdown "uninvited." I'll eventually crack, but why do I keep going through this charade?

Thanks for your insight. You were right on target, as usual!


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poster:Aphrodite thread:424618
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041203/msgs/424952.html