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Re: I must be closed minded

Posted by sunny10 on December 5, 2004, at 16:46:38

In reply to I must be closed minded, posted by Dinah on December 5, 2004, at 16:06:06

you are one of the least closed-minded people with whom I have had the pleasure of conversing!

Have you ever been through CBT- sorry if I've forgotten? I'm wondering because the very first thing they asked me about were my hobbies. I didn't have any besides reading books (which is less of a hobby and more of an "escape from the world", the way I do it...)

Don't get me wrong- I was BUSY... working, raising a child, keeping a house, cooking, running errands, being a divorcee (which is exhausting all by itself) et cetera. But I was doing absolutely nothing just for fun- for me. And I was so depressed that I couldn't see any other way to live and hating the way I lived. I rejected the therapists' ideas out of hand with every therapist I went to DURING A MAJOR DEPRESSIVE EPISODE. Once the depression was lifted (yes, by medication- I can't get out of it by "free will" alone DURING the episode), I was more open to outside ideas and motivated myself enough to start hiking. Step one was actually shelling out hard earned money on a pair of hiking boots, when I have absolutely ZERO credit due to past depressions and the life I led because of them. I HAD to force myself to see myself as being worth the investment, first! The medication did that, no question. But once it was lifted, I chose to try to do SOMETHING to enjoy life more. I had to, or risk another episode. As you know, from other posts, I am not "yippee, happy go lucky," all the time" ! But I DO feel better now than I have in a long time.

And I'm sure that the chemical side of my depression WILL override my "free will practices" from time to time, but I am hoping that I am lengthing the time between episodes by logically and methodically taking time to analyze what I choose to incorporate, and by "celebrating" myself by induging in hobbies- sometimes neglecting housework, et cetera. There are numerous studies that DO show that people can raise their own "feel good" brain chemical levels by engaging in enjoyable activities. I am choosing to try this AND try to separate logic from emotion in order to survive. And, yes, that is taxing at times.

But that's me, and I suffer from Major Depression and GAD. It is both due to "nurture AND nature". I am lucky to be on the "easier"( ? ) side of chemical depression (nature), so these things may possibly work for me where they might not work for someone with a different diagnosis. And on the "nurture" side, I am the only one who is responsible for nurturing me now... so I guess I better do a better job than my family did for me when I was dependent on them...

Unlike you, I cannot emotionally divorce myself from my mother. But I CAN chose not to allow her to emotionally abuse me anymore. I just do not let her into my life or my son's life, period. I have not seen her, by choice, since I was nineteen yrs old. I am 37 now.

Most importantly, Dinah, I am merely regurgitating the essence of most of your posts, here. And, frankly, most of your posts are a great deal stronger in character than any of mine! Whether you "see" it or not, you practice this theory every day. You do it with your parents, you do it with your son, you do it with your husband, and you do it when you give the rest of us a "boost"!

That's why I've been in awe of you, Sabrina, Susan, and ALL of the others. We are ALL practicing it by even being a part of Babble.

I hope I made sense, here.....




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