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Re: Diversifying my Portfolio (long) Aphrodite

Posted by fallsfall on December 5, 2004, at 10:07:15

In reply to Diversifying my Portfolio (long), posted by Aphrodite on December 5, 2004, at 7:21:39

You are very wise. Diversification can save the day.

>I tried to tell him this when he called on an unrelated matter Friday, but he didn't seem to understand. My demeanor wasn't matching my message, and I think it was lost on him.

*** Keep trying to explain it to him. Even if it takes a long time, and even if you are tearing your hair out because he *still* doesn't seem to get it. The nature and depth of your reaction to this particular situation make me think that whatever happened triggered a very important issue for you. If you can follow this issue, keep trying to understand what happened, it will get clearer.

*** It may be like an experience I had recently. We fought in a particular pattern for at least 6 months. It was excruciating. We would understand it a little better each time, have one or two sessions out of the warzone, and then end back in there again for weeks. Each time, we understood a little more about the pattern (though our understanding often wasn't communal - I would understand one thing, he might understand something else, and even though we both tried to share our insights it was often like we were speaking different languages). Finally, I wrote down what the pattern was that I was seeing, complete with examples - and read the writing to him (he hates it when I read). We ended up on the same page (finally!). The pattern has threatened to come up again, but we recognize it, and have been able to find other ways to get to the issues. I still don't know if I changed, if he changed or if we both did. I do know that it was the most important work that we have done (and the hardest).
> It's at times like these that I realize when therapy goes wrong for me, it's *really* wrong, and I need other things. So, here's what I am trying to put in place:

*** Excellent.
> 1. I discussed all my depression issues with my PCP. She was incredibly kind, looked for physical causes of depression, but invalidated my therapy. She said she was a little "surprised" I've been going for a year. "Don't let him create a pathology that isn't there," she warned. Good intentions. Not fully informed. But at least someone else knows.

*** This sounds familiar. Mine says "Don't take yourself so seriously" and "It always helps me to wear a Mickey Mouse tie". He doesn't quite get it, but he *does* get that it is a real (and big) problem for me.
> 2. Mon. I am trying my third pdoc. (The first two were disasters.) This one comes highly recommended, is a close colleague of both my T and my PCP. We shall see . . . I am very medication sensitive and opposed to medication in general unless it's very warranted, so I don't know how much help this will be.

*** Perhaps you can discuss PRN (take only when you need it) medication as well as the standard anti-depressant stuff. You might feel more positive about taking something when you know you need it *now*, than taking something all the time. Think of it like aspirin for a headache, or an ace bandage for a sprained ankle.

*** If you have strep, you take an antibiotic, right? Because it is "very warranted". For some of us anti-depressants are very warranted.

> 3. Yoga! This is the only one I really have faith in;) I'm really enjoying the combination of calm and inward attention while stretching out a lot of stored tension. It really helps me realize where the pain is stored in my body. But because of time constranints (full-time job, little one at home), it's hard to fit it in the schedule.

*** This is what really made me want to answer your post. I started doing yoga a couple of months ago, and I am amazed at how much difference it makes. I rented a couple of tapes from my video store to see what kind of variety was out there. I ended up purchasing "Dixie Carter's Unworkout II" (out of print - available through Amazon). I like her attitude, and it has 2 20 minute segments (one morning, one evening). I can almost always find 20 minutes in morning (and have figured out which 4 minutes to fast forward through when I am rushed). I have to use the tape, or I would do the 20 minute sequence in 7 1/2 minutes. In a sense, just carving out the time to do the tape is therapeutic. The morning routine has helped relieve the tension in my neck and shoulders (which was a HUGE issue for me). It was hard to get it into my routine, but it is to the point now where if I am feeling lousy when I get up, I make more of an effort to do the yoga - because it really does help.

*** A friend also lent me "AM Yoga", which has short segments and seemed pretty good.
> It doesn't seem to take the place of when I am on the right track with my T, but it's better than being at a complete loss.

*** There are times when I need "therapy for my therapy". When therapy itself is so distressing that I need support to stick with it and push through the issues. Keep talking to a friend or two. Does anyone know most of the details of what is going on in your therapy? Sometimes, just telling my friend and knowing that I wasn't the only person who knew - knowing that someone else could understand why a comment of his had set me off because she had been following the story all along - was really helpful.

*** Try to see this phase as a part of the process. That working through this will be valuable in the long run.

*** Eat lots of ice cream. Give yourself a break. Let things slide when you feel overwhelmed (I know it is a hard time of year for that). Know that doing something that you *like* to do is healing and, therefore, productive.

*** Post often.
> Anything else in your portfolios?




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