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Diversifying my Portfolio (long)

Posted by Aphrodite on December 5, 2004, at 7:21:39

They say you need a little stocks, bonds, real estate, cash, etc. in your portfolio in case the bottom falls out under your investment of choice.

I've never been great at finances. Liberal arts school and major;) I realize my mental health mistake was investing all I had in therapy.

Sometimes the bottom falls out. It did for me right before Thanksgiving, and I haven't seen a recovery . My wounded side received further wounds from life events. I withdrew and didn't tell him. He couldn't read my mind, so he's under the assumption I am necessarily needing to return to old ways of coping by letting my highly functional but inwardly devastating inner critic run my life right now. He's been very distant. The young parts of me are mute, under the tyranny of the adult, cyncial part, and they feel abandoned. All that healing connection I have had with him seems to be lost for now. I tried to tell him this when he called on an unrelated matter Friday, but he didn't seem to understand. My demeanor wasn't matching my message, and I think it was lost on him.

It's at times like these that I realize when therapy goes wrong for me, it's *really* wrong, and I need other things. So, here's what I am trying to put in place:

1. I discussed all my depression issues with my PCP. She was incredibly kind, looked for physical causes of depression, but invalidated my therapy. She said she was a little "surprised" I've been going for a year. "Don't let him create a pathology that isn't there," she warned. Good intentions. Not fully informed. But at least someone else knows.

2. Mon. I am trying my third pdoc. (The first two were disasters.) This one comes highly recommended, is a close colleague of both my T and my PCP. We shall see . . . I am very medication sensitive and opposed to medication in general unless it's very warranted, so I don't know how much help this will be.

3. Yoga! This is the only one I really have faith in;) I'm really enjoying the combination of calm and inward attention while stretching out a lot of stored tension. It really helps me realize where the pain is stored in my body. But because of time constranints (full-time job, little one at home), it's hard to fit it in the schedule.

4. Reliable books and music: For self-comfort, I have a basket by my bed of readings and music that speak to me and give me hope: poems by Mary Oliver; "Everyday Grace", music by Enya for relaxing and other music for energy and of course, my journal for getting all that inward chaos out on paper where I can make some sense of it or laugh at the absurdity of my jumbled thoughts.

5. Trying to connect spiritually. I am very confused religiously, but we do attend a church that I am not very involved in because I get hung up on some of the policies, beliefs, etc. I've decided to try to get what I can out of it. I'm even toying with the idea of letting the minister know, or at least putting myself on the prayer list anonymously.

It doesn't seem to take the place of when I am on the right track with my T, but it's better than being at a complete loss.

Anything else in your portfolios?




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poster:Aphrodite thread:424618