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Re: Never

Posted by gardenergirl on September 25, 2004, at 16:57:38

In reply to Never gardenergirl, posted by Racer on September 24, 2004, at 13:26:47

> Since we really haven't talked much about it yet, just the first time when I said it, and this last session when it was peripheral to what we were working on, so I haven't hit that feeling of relief. I'm actually fighting a lot of frustration, because I want it to somehow get better right away. Hurry up and get it over with, you know? Hurry up and get fixed RIGHTNOW.

I hope that feeling of relief at just telling comes soon for you. And perhaps you are so eager to be "fixed right now" has something to do with your chosen name? Racer? (and by the way, if you are Racer X, can I be Speed Racer? Then we can be secret sibs!)
> That's why it's so powerful: it's been internalized so deeply that we can't be fully aware of it. The same goes for the pressure. It's kinda like breathing. How much effort does it take to breathe? How many calories does it take to breathe for one hour? How can we know, really, since we're not aware of any effort when we do it? Same with the pressure of having that secret ready to come out.

What a great way to put this. Yes, it was automatic not to think about it. Hmmm, you know, there is another issue that said to him in the beginning "oh this thing happened to me, but I never think about it anymore." And it was an "oh by the way, you should probably also know that..." during my first session/intake with him. If I were him, my flags would have gone up surrounding this issue. Hmmm, may have to do some listening to myself to see if it's really okay or if I'm ostriching this, too.
> For what it's worth, I know how hard it was for you to disclose this to him, and I am glad that you have found it to be so good for you. I'm conflicted about whether or not to say I'm proud of you for doing it -- although I am -- because of two things: one, I know that you can do anything you choose to do, and do it well; and two, it feels a little proprietary to be proud of you for doing well, since I had nothing to do with it. You decide if that helps or not, tell me, and then I'll get over my conflict in whichever way is best for you.

Thank you. You are so cute with that proud of you dilemma. I feel the same way when I want to say it. It does imply something ownership like or that somehow I was involved. Although telling you and one other person first really helped. And you still accept me and respect me, and that certainly had to be a corrective emotional experience compared to hubby's reaction. So I thank you again for that, with some mist in my eyes.

> With the warmest affection for you, my dear, I'm smiling for you.

right back atcha!





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poster:gardenergirl thread:394355