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Re: awkward sliences

Posted by mair on September 24, 2004, at 14:36:26

In reply to awkward sliences, posted by Annierose on September 23, 2004, at 22:11:13

I think I'm the queen of awkward silences although I've gotten better. Generally the silences are created because I don't want to say what's on my mind or I need to sanitize it first. Sometimes if I don't really want to say what I'm thinking, my mind will start racing so I can't hold onto any one thought long enough to verbalize it.

My T used to jump in probably too soon I think because she was trying to make things less awkward for me. Or I'd stop talking sort of mid-thought, and she'd try to finish the thought for me, usually incorrectly. This made me think of my husband's perennial complaint that I finish his sentences for him. It also worried me that she was guessing wrong too much of the time.

Now she's more likely to wait me out, because we've decided I'm more likely to get around to saying whatever I need to. But I've also gotten better about letting her know when I'm thinking about something I really don't want to verbalize or I really can't verbalize. Sometimes she'll ask me to free associate which never works because if I'm too guarded to talk, I'm too guarded to free associate.

She doesn't usually ask me what I'm thinking although sometimes she'll encourage me to just go ahead and say it. When I'm stuck and I let her know I'm stuck, we'll talk alot about why I can't verbalize something. This is strange because we're both talking around a topic only I know what it is and she can only guess at what it is. It seems to work fairly well because it gets me away from the awkwardness of not talking, and sometimes it gives me the time to come at it a different way.





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