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Re: contact after termination(a bit long..) li hing

Posted by 10derHeart on September 23, 2004, at 19:29:29

In reply to Re: email contact after termination, posted by li hing on September 22, 2004, at 2:29:57

I totally understand why you are so angry with your ex-T. That was a pretty awful series of truths you had to discover about her. Sadly, it's not the first time I've read of such a response to contact after termination on these boards. I am one of the blessed folks who had a wonderful T. I *concluded* (to steal from another poster - hate the word *termination* !)my work with him about 3 months ago (he took a new job in another state). I asked if I could write (yes), wrote 10 days ago and just today, he answered with a sweet, friendly-yet-professional email. He knows I know we won't correspond often or do therapy by email. But, we shared something extraordinary that ended before either of us was ready (although I'm doing well), and it didn't escape him how much he means to me.

As you said, the smallest "hi" would have been enough. He promised a future address and made sure I got it. He also said he'd "love to hear how I was doing", meant it, and the most critical - followed through. It was incredibly important. In fact, I'd dare say his reliable, steady follow through now, when I am NOT a patient and he has a totally new life, may be one of the most deeply therapeutic things he's ever done!

I think it was very wrong of your T. to use such phrases and then act as she did, that must have hurt like crazy. Therapists, more than anyone, must be careful about such powerful words. And, we'd hope, sensitive and discriminating enough to tell which clients are most deeply attached, in order to be the gentlest with them. Wish that were always true, but it's not, as you found out the hard way. Even if your ex-T. was at a point she thought you were writing too much and she needed to say that, and maybe be sure you didn't expect therapy by mail, her harsh treatment was NOT the way to go about it.

Seems many Ts who do well to help us heal *during* therapy have a weak spot when it comes to handling endings with skill, warmth and care. I was wondering...was your T. young and/or new to her profession? If so, that may be part of the reason, but only part. We only have to read gardenergirl's caring posts to see there are T's -even while still training-who do "get it" and are committed to handling letters, email, etc., the best way possible for each client.

So sorry you had to live through this, especialy after 2 years with someone. It's just plain awful. If you feel like saying, how are you doing overall now? Please post more if it helps.((li hing)) - 10DerHeart

 

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poster:10derHeart thread:368821
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/394276.html