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Re: Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry) DaisyM

Posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2004, at 21:16:42

In reply to Re: Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry), posted by DaisyM on September 6, 2004, at 19:24:39

> I'm glad the first impression was wrong! She sounds like someone who can admit to being wrong, change tactics and be effective. This is rare.

Yes, this is rare. I hope it's true and not just some fluke.
> You've had quite a month. I'm curious what a female pdoc said about your mother stuff...this is one of the toughest things we wade through, how I feel about my mother's expectations. I've wondered if a female Therapist would look at it differently.

Well, she said similar things. It felt a bit different though. It's hard to explain. Kind of like more credibility or like she might have gone through it too? I don't have that same experience with my T, but I do believe he understands. It's almost like being with someone who has had versus someone who knows about depression. There is just this instant connection that you know they have felt it, too? Although I could be completely projecting. and I do think that my instant dislike for her last time was a maternal transference thing going on. My mom is one to pass judgement via giving advice and feedback without accompanying empathy. It felt much better this time, although we were talking more about my mother and why she may not have been able to be a good enough mother rather than from my own pain. Kind of from a more compassionate and detached place rather than inside. It helped me to understand. My T has talked about this, too, but he always wants to redirect things back to me and my internals. But it helps me to feel better about things to know that my mom had a lot of her own stuff going on, and it goes way back. Sometimes I look at the family tree and wonder where it started and if I can break the depression cycle. But that's too deep to get into here...(door coming down...:)
> Recently my therapist had me tell him all the amazing and wonderful things about my mother. The list is very long, including "she is a great shopper." He listened very closely and then said, "didn't you just describe how people describe you?" I protested that with her it was REAL...she wasn't just doing what she was supposed to, and she didn't feel like a fake all the time. SHE KNOWS WHO SHE IS. He sat calmly through this tirade and then talked a lot about mothers and daughters. It wasn't that I didn't believe him, it was just that I wondered if you saw it differently if you've lived it.

Hmmm, sounds like the experience I had with my T. You might be interested in Cokie Roberts' book "We are our Mothers' Daughters". I found it really interesting. Not so much a psychological book, but more from a cultural-historical perspective.

Thanks for your thoughts!





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