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Re: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkk!!!!!!! Aphrodite

Posted by tabitha on August 13, 2004, at 14:28:50

In reply to Re: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkk!!!!!!! tabitha, posted by Aphrodite on August 13, 2004, at 7:34:54

> > I told her I thought she'd been incompetent lately and she was so OK with it.
>
> But did she say she would change????
>

Not exactly. We're still arguing about it. I'm certainly not getting the intended message from her tactics lately. I still blame her for the miscommunication. I also blame her for not adequately warning me that she was going to be using completely different methods with me in processing the group interactions. It was like she just switched into tough love mode with no warning, so I ended up feeling picked on, blamed, and shamed. I got the message that having any anger or judgement toward group members was simply unacceptable.

When I describe all this, she says 'so you were hearing black and white', which again feels blaming to me.

She'll say 'I'm sorry you're suffering', 'I'm sorry I haven't been able to help you lately', and even sometimes 'I'm sorry for sending the wrong message', but never quite 'I'm sorry I screwed up'. But I have to ask myself if it's really good for me to expect her to feel guilty and doubt herself. We're having a lot of arguments about what constitutes an acceptable apology.

 

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