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Re: Wish Me Strength...

Posted by 10derHeart on August 11, 2004, at 21:25:36

In reply to Wish Me Strength..., posted by 10derHeart on August 10, 2004, at 6:25:43

It really wasn't so bad. Maybe a case of imagination running wild at what I *thought" would happen. I felt nervous, weird, as I'm not used to new pdoc's voice, mannnerisms, etc. I did miss that flow in the room with old T. - we'd gotten so in tune and comfortable - there's nothing quite like that intimacy <sigh> But, her newness and adapting to it was just distracting enough. She redecorated a lot, which helped. I also sort of never looked anywhere but at her and down at my lap. Didn't want to start recalling his bookcases and his pictures, etc. It's hard to describe. She listened and gave me good feedback to help me deal with transitional T. when she returns. I cried a few times - but they were angry tears explaining the odd stuff this social worker has said and how her abrupt, challenging manner hurts me right now.

The whole time seemed a bit unreal. I'm not so sure what happened. Having a very stressful week, but vacation in sight along with other good things. Wished my old T. happy birthday in my head about 20 times yesterday. At least, I'll bet if I could tell him what I've managed to do do far, he'd be happy and proud. He has the *best* smile when he feels that way about an insight or progress of any kind. And (long separate story for a later post)...there is a chance when sw returns, she will finally get me old T's mailing address I've been not-very-patiently waiting to have (his promise to me) for a I can write him and THAT will feel right. (<oh, sorry - awful rhyming pun!) Kind of beautiful how bright spots can jump out at you in the midst of confusion, struggle and pain.

I'm still processing all this. It's a lot for me, but then nothing compared to what many of you live through daily. Thank you Daisy and GG - there's not really anyone irl that *gets* these issues like you guys :) Take care.




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