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Urgent Dilemma, Need TOVacation Club Support

Posted by daisym on August 11, 2004, at 19:21:39

To all members of the Therapist on Vacation Club (TOVC): HELLLLPPP!

My therapist leaves for his vacation on Friday. I will see him tomorrow for our last session. It has been 2 weeks of struggling with my emotions around him leaving. He opened the topic last Monday and asked me if I wanted to have something of his to hold on to while he was gone. We settled on him leaving me a voice mail that reassures me that he is, indeed, coming back. (The little kid part of me still wants to take the couch pillow she hangs on to :( )

Today I tried to avoid the subject by talking about the issues with my son and work and how swamped and stressed I am. HE, of course, wouldn't let me get by with that and brought up the fact that he is leaving in 2 days. OK, so fine...I'm sad and upset and finding myself immersed in old feelings of abandonment. My younger self wants to act out all over the place. He said he can totally see why, we are in the middle of all this really hard stuff and she is terrified that I'll never let her out again. He said he'd love to see me tantrum or try a major manipulation (but not hurting myself) to get what I want. He wanted me to know no matter what I did, or how I acted, he would be back. Then he did something completely unexpected.

He offered to call me half way through his vacation. Said he had thought about it very carefully, that he would just be checking in, not doing a session, but he thought I might really need to hear he was still out there and still planning on coming back. I was doing so well up until that point, holding back the tears. I managed to choke out that I was completely conflicted about him calling me. OF COURSE, I want to talk to him. But I feel so guilty and needy. This is a good example of what I want and what I think I should do being on two totally different planets. It also crossed my mind that if I had get all these intense feelings shut down, would hearing from him in the middle of the vacation open them up again or calm down a growing fear?

So, I'm throwing it to the club. I have to tell him tomorrow if I want him to call me or not. What do you guys think?

(just an aside...I do love that he offered! I guess he does understand how hard this is for me.)




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