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Re: Bootstrap? Bootstrap Method? 64bowtie

Posted by JenStar on August 9, 2004, at 14:12:18

In reply to Bootstrap? Bootstrap Method?, posted by 64bowtie on August 9, 2004, at 2:49:17

hi Rod,
I wanted to give some feedback about how I felt when I read your recent post.

First, when I read the comment

"I am just parachuting in with knowledge and success that is off many radar screens. Perhaps I have information you don't even know that you don't even know that you can't even guess at. I discovery new information like this every day, and even some nights occasional"

it made me feel condescended to, slightly, even though you had earlier stated that wasn't your intention.

Although I appreciate getting new information that I might not have previously considered, I felt that you were trying to be too much of a 'knight on a white horse', saving me from my own self. It reminded me of missionaries going into Africa to convert people who don't necessarily need conversion!

In addition, when I hear comments like that, I feel frustrated and somewhat irritated at the presumed lack of knowledge on my part. I consider myself to be well-read and I have a working or at least "yes, I've heard of that" knowledge on many topics, even if I don't actively follow the theories in my daily life.

Second, when I read the comment

"My motives, feelings, and behaviors have been to inject results orientation where I find placation oriented discussions that historically turn a blind eye to anything unfamiliar. So, I'm unfamiliar. Doesn't mean I'm bad or corrupt or to be avoided."

I felt a hint of condescension again. I couldn't help but feel that you have determined that you know best how to solve problems, and that if someone doesn't listen to your solutions, it means we are not well-informed or not mature enough to take your advice.

I believe you are acting out of an enthusiastic desire to help. For myself, though, your approach isn't always effective. I have the instinctive desire to block out what you're saying just because of the STYLE in which it was said.

I have to admit that I'm guilty of doing what I accused YOU of doing: I have jumped into discussions here on numerous occasions and injected my own "do it this way! do it this way! My way is best!" advice. I've come to realize thru trial and error that this just isn't taken well. I'm trying to change my approach so that people find it easier to listen to me. I sympathize with your desire to do it, because I know you WANT to help and sometimes the solution to someone's problem seems SO obvious!

I'm not asking you to stop offering advice. I guess I'm asking for a slightly 'softened' tone.

What do you think about my message? Does it make sense? What is your feedback to me?

JenStar



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poster:JenStar thread:375512
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040805/msgs/375667.html