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Re: Therapy increasing shame? tabitha

Posted by Dinah on August 8, 2004, at 15:28:52

In reply to Therapy increasing shame?, posted by tabitha on August 8, 2004, at 14:47:56

She complained that your suicidal thoughts (which if I'm not mistaken, came about because of therapy induced stress?) were disruptive to the group??!!! Oh, well then.

What does she expect from you?

Tabitha, I know you care about this therapist. And I hurt for you through this. I care about my therapist enormously. I can't imagine how I would feel in this situation. God knows my therapist thinks I have pathology. And he'll bring it up and we'll talk about it. But he knows how to put it so that it's not overly hurtful. He always says "I understand that it feels this way to you, but...". And he always knows when to back off, with an annoying "I understand that it feels this way to you. (with no but at the end)" Now I don't particularly like any of those things, especially the last one. But if he were to reduce support and increase "challenges" to the level that your therapist has done, I'd be looking around for a consultation and or new interviews. I'm not saying I'd find a new therapist, because in the past we've always been able to hammer out a compromise. But it's amazing how liberating it is to take the steps anyway. To make a list of therapists to interview. To consider who might have the experience and distance to make a good consultant. It takes away that feeling of powerlessness.

I'm not saying you should drop this therapy or even group. But can you think of ways that would make you feel more empowered, like making lists of new possible therapists and consultants does for me?

And yes, I think healthy anger is far better than shame and powerlessness. Write some nasty letters that you don't intend to send. Make a dart board.

You are *not* powerless in this situation. You can choose to stay and work on it. You can choose to leave. You can choose to tell your therapist what I told the evil Dr. D. (Although probably not unless you intend to leave.)

Tabitha, you don't come across on Babble as having a huge well of pathology. You get along with others. People here like and respect you. How are things elsewhere (other than group)? Do you have anything to be an outside check to your therapist's perceptions? I often check things against my husband, and rather craftily with my bosses. (The latter might be something about asking about my productivity.) If you get too focused on you and the group and your therapist, it's easy to lose perspective. Is there someone who you can use as a reality check? Is there someone who has seen you in the same situations where your therapist's views are so radically different from your own?




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