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Re: technical questions 64bowtie

Posted by Dinah on August 7, 2004, at 19:32:04

In reply to Re: Oh... (((daisym))) please.........., posted by 64bowtie on August 7, 2004, at 2:04:22

I hope you didn't mis-take the reason behind my posts. I wasn't challenging your credentials or asking you to prove that you are a professional. I wouldn't do that. I just realize that not everyone is interested in the sort of reparenting/attachment theory/self psychology therapy that Daisy and I prefer, and that has served me quite well. There have been a number of posts lately to that effect (that some people would prefer a less dependent, more direct approach). And that's cool. I am a firm believer in individual differences and one size does not fit all and your mileage may vary. I certainly know that biofeedback guy had a large clientele. But I was curious as to how your more direct approach was received by the population as a whole.

If someone were to tell me that I was choosing my misery, even if they believe it to be true, I would be unlikely to listen to anything else that person had to say.

If someone were to tell me that my inner child was an illusion, my inner child (for want of a better phrase) would be highly insulted and utterly furious. "Illusion", "archaic inner child remnant", and for that matter, "inner child" are all phrases that would arouse fury and reduce the chances that any further words, no matter how sage, would have any effect.

And if anyone were to tell me "If I placated you by validating your pain ,I would then be a player in your psycho-drama of abstractions creating irrational pain. Is that what you want from me? For me to be your patsy? I would be validating the "kidnapper" of your sensibilties and blackmailer of your emotions. My motives are surer than that. So, don't enlist myself or another person to validate this "bad" habit of yours.", even if that statement is considered civil to Dr. Bob, I would be forced to engage the request not to post. And probably engage in a useless debate with Dr. Bob, and storm off from the board for at least three days. (So my secondary purpose was to ensure we didn't get into that unpleasant sort of relationship.)

But I realize that not everyone is me, and that "plain talk" directness works well with some people. And that is absolutely fascinating to me. I mean, I enjoy listening to Dr. Laura, not Dr. Phil so much, but I still find the whole thing fascinating. Because to me the idea that someone would say "Oh, ok, I'm causing my own pain. I'll change that right away." is so absolutely foreign to every particle of my being that it can't help but hold a certain fascination for me. Especially the fascination of knowing how *many* people respond to that in a positive way. Because, I suppose, that tells me how much of the population might as well be space aliens for all I understand them.

But getting back to the technical question. Do you think it might be more productive to ask people if they would like you to assess them in a direct manner before you do it? Then if they agree, they (like Dr. Laura's callers and Dr. Phil's guests) would be more likely to take it well because they have an investment in taking it well. I would guess that most people who say "Sure, I can take it", would feel some responsibility to be able to take it well.




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