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(((GardenerGirl)))...., I'm No Polyanna

Posted by 64bowtie on August 6, 2004, at 14:59:12

In reply to Re: The Cart Before the Horse 64bowtie, posted by gardenergirl on August 6, 2004, at 11:41:54


> Somehow, Rod, I think if I could be successful with your recommendations, I would not need therapy. sigh
> gg

<<< Picture this. I'm sitting off to the side watching therapy going on between one of those certified therapists and their client. Much to my surprise, I get insights that connect unfinished questions to solid answers. Now here's the Gold. Some of the messages are pertinent to the dialog included and some are "free-floaters" I may have wondered about years before.

I wasn't in therepy, but by all accounts from anyone successful in therapy from either side of the table, I was getting therapy - perhaps by Now, I'm not saying the purpose was to sit and watch and voyuerize my own therapy. What happened is that this occurred, much to my delight, over and over again.

Looking into the phenomenon, by all accounts from those who could recognize it for what it is, two striking elements emerged. One is that therapists gain insights from experiences in the therapy environment that transcends the incident for them, and may help with their person stuggles or become useful for other client/patients. Thus good therapy can create better therapists by some internal feedback loop.

Another and more fantastic element is this spooky stuff I learned from David Peck in those 100s of two hour study group sessions. About 1/2 the time we had client/patients that we could look at like clinicians studying something in a petrie dish. When they were no-shows or no-one was scheduled, we worked on some abstraction or critiqued David's newest publication draft.

To that end, one awesome technique David either invented or, at least, incorporated use of "out-of-body" visualization guided imagery. To my great surprise, I could be doing it off to the side, "multi-tasking" sorta, while David was busy with the client and the client's concerns.

What I am proposing is that we can be our own therapist if we are ever "ready". And "ready" is a complex terminology! By my continuous harping on "Adulthood", I'm leaking a secret of my process.

Picture this! The client is 40 years old and wishes they could be forever young. Never mind the suffering and the drama-trauma of their youth, they want the fun and the care-free spirit they felt they had and now miss. I come along and burst that bubble from all sides, reminding them all was not very hunky-dory after all. I do encourage them to embrace those skills, attributes, abilities, and the power available to adults not available to children. Suddenly, the client can become ready simply by no longer being restricted by childhood ineptitude.

This changes the game for them forever. They can now extinguish the "social-blackmail" of the "shoulds" brought on by being stuck in an Obligation/Expectation model dysfunctional family, headed up by "King-Baby", instead finding freedom and happiness.... then get therapy!

Freedom doesn't mean care-free and happiness doens't comfort and fun. It means no-internal-conflcts-brought-on-by-violating-obligations-and-misery-brought-on-by-unrealised-expectations. If we aren't bound up with obligations and expectations, we have extra time to be free and happy. Children lack the mandate and the wiring. As adults, we have the mandate and the adequate wiring to accomplish so much more than we did as children.

In summary, as adults we can be off to the side as we recite what is wrong and what needs to be fixed, out of body. The feedback is internal and immediate. As children, we are trapped. In transition, those feelings, behaviors, and motives, that blackmailed us as "grown-up-children" are now extinguished as adults.

Maybe we need a guide, a coach. I don't insist on this because of my personal experience. Perhaps a guide for a time. Then we live our lives adding and incorporating new stuff from that time on. Oh-by-the-way, (OBTW), it only took me 20 plus years to find my way.

GG, I hope this all made some sense...





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