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Re: Hi JenStar for Susan

Posted by starlight on August 6, 2004, at 12:43:22

In reply to Hi JenStar, posted by Susan47 on August 6, 2004, at 10:12:54

Hey Susan,
I don't know your background, but I do know that when you're reading a person's every facial expression and all the non verbal cues that's hypervigilance, (I know, because I can do the same exact thing). Hypervigilance can be great because it's an excellent self protective mechanism, but it can also cause problems in that your self destructive side can use it to manipulate people to it's advantage. You kind of have to make peace with it and recognize it's helpful aspects and then set it aside in situations where it's not appropriate.

I went through a phase where I was attracted to my boss. Luckily, he has outstanding boundaries. My last boss didn't and told me that he was in love with me, which was great since I was trying to decide on whether to take his permanent job or my current and obviously I left him in a rush after telling him that he was really in love with his wife and he was in transferrance mode because we were friends and I listened to his woes unconditionally and with support.

My current boss is kind of like a father figure, which has been healing because he's so dedicated to his family, which has shown me that a healthy family life is possible. At first I struggled with the flirtatious feelings and attraction, but our relationship has become very healthy over time and I appreciate his strength and appropriateness, especially after my last experience.

Perhaps you should try to observe that hypervigilance part of you, distance yourself and just put yourself in the observer role. Amazing things can happen when you do that. Your awareness of your own behavior and ability to not engage will develop even more.




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