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Re: Good therapist-cop/Bad therapist-cop DaisyM

Posted by gardenergirl on August 4, 2004, at 19:27:40

In reply to Re: Good therapist-cop/Bad therapist-cop, posted by DaisyM on August 4, 2004, at 10:49:31

> I don't know GG, anyone who told me these things in such a blunt way would make me nervous. How does she REALLY know how you are doing in a 20 minutes conversation? It seems to me that she is hearing the side of you that feels bad about how things are going right now (you've had a tough couple of weeks) and she is going to "fix" you.

To her credit, she did spend more than an hour with me. I was kind of tickled about that, because this is my first experience actually paying for mental health care. And it was pricey. Will apply to my deductible, but still. But I think you are right, she was taking a very problem-solving approach, which would fit better with CBT than psychodynamic. And I didn't try to hide my warts, well except for the one I haven't yet shown my T...So I probably did look pretty bad on paper.

> I'm not saying don't work with her, I just don't want her to make you doubt yourself and get more depressed. I think she has already done the first. I can't imagine why she would feel it necessary to tell you you are acting like a child. She might think that and suggest working on a "more resilient way of coping with marital fights" but still...She was awful quick to judge.

Oh my goodness, I think you really hit on something here that I couldn't see. She DID make me doubt myself. I felt terrible about myself when I left. I even though, what's the point in upping my medication if it's just that I am an irresponsible, lazy bum? Although at one point, I did share with her that one of my big motivators was the avoidance of shame. So perhaps she felt the need to shame me? If so, ugh. We also talked briefly about tangible rewards or punishments, and we were talking major amounts of money. The thing that I could come up with that would be most aversive to me in order to motivate me was donating four figures to the Bush campaign. She jumped and said, "Let's not go that far!" So I do like that about her. :D
> I don't think your therapist will be upset with you. But he would probably question why you feel you need to work with this other person, beyond meds. Are you not getting what you need from him? Did she make you feel bad about certain things so you now feel you HAVE to work on them? Is there an underlying curiosity about her methods, or the fact that she is female?

Well, I think he will admit that he can't give me this if I do indeed need it. But he doesn't think that's what I really need, or I would have figured it out for myself. And I think in some ways, he is right. But the transference thing is being triggered in that I am worried he will be disappointed in me. :(
> Just me thinking out loud here. Somehow I'm reminded of your old boss whose CBT orientation you argued with a lot, and your therapist shares your views (I hope I didn't get that wrong.) If it was me, I don't think I'd have a session with her until my therapist was back and I talked to him about it. If he thought it was an experiment worth trying, then I would proceed. (OK, I wouldn't but that is just me.)

Yeah, I definitely am in the same camp as my T. I can't imagine ever saying something so blunt to a client. Not without a lot of warm and fuzzy and a solid relationship first.

> I should also caution that all of the above may be a bit strong because we've spent the last few sessions talking about how hard I try live up to my mother's expectations of me and how she would think the regression that therapy has brought on is ridiculous. She has always told me that I was too sensitive and moody, and that smart, strong women don't need therapy. They just need to plow through life and eventually everything gets better.

Oh, I hate that idea. There is still a little voice inside me that has this view, too. Not sure where I got it, except perhaps that I always had to be independent and solve problems myself if I wanted to be sure they were solved. Asking for and needing help still feels like weakness to me a lot of the time.
> Your description of this doc hit a nerve.
Sorry about the nerve. But your post really resonated with me. I think your take on it is right on the money. I'm glad that I don't see her again before I see my T. I feel a bit more confident about what I need and what I need to do.





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