Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Posted by Pfinstegg on August 4, 2004, at 7:13:53

In reply to Re:starlight, posted by Jadah on August 3, 2004, at 19:25:31

You mentioned that you are afraid that, if you went to a new therapist, you would become enmeshed in strong transference feelings once again, and wouldn't be able to "get past" them so as to do good work. In my experience, the strong feelings themselves are the "gold coin" of therapy. You would want to work *with* them, rather than consider them obstacles. You have mentioned other, natural feelings that you have: not wanting to betray your T. by moving to another, not wanting to give up the relationship itself, which has been very powerful and fulfiling for you in many ways.

But think what lies ahead. The relationship is going to end, even though it is very hard for either of you to do that. Here's one possible scenario: YOU end it, letting him know that it's the hardest thing you've ever done, that you found fulfilment and grew sexually, and as a person, during it. You could say that, as wonderful as it has been in so many ways, you want to grow into a healthy woman who will have her own fulfilling relationship in her own life, outside of therapy. If you wait for him to end it, you will feel awful, and may not be able to maintain the gains you have made in therapy so far. I think you will feel victimized and then thrown aside.

It was his professional responsibility to have never let this happen, but to have helped you grow through verbal-only interactions about your intense feelings for him. Hard as it will be, wouldn't it be better for your own well-being and health to be the one who finds the strength to end it? You have a lot of support available to you- another therapist, all of us here at Babble, TELL (the web organization I mentioned, which is reportedly tremendously supportive). No-one here wants to see you get rejected and abandonned, but, if you don't do something yourself, I am afraid that is what will happen. Why not bite the bullet and put an end to it yourself? I feel very confident that you'll be glad you did in the long run. We are all here for you, thinking of you, not at all judgemental, and we can empathize fully; many of us have said that, if our therapists did not maintain appropriate boundaries, we would have done what you did. I feel pretty sure I would have, when my feelings were running at their highest.




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