Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Re: Susan

Posted by Susan47 on August 3, 2004, at 18:39:45

In reply to Re: Susan, posted by Jadah on August 3, 2004, at 16:17:47

Quickly I'll answer your question about how I'm doing. I'm angry at my ex-therapist for refusing to see me anymore.
I feel good about it at one level, because I did ask him to do that. On another, I'm angry because of all the times he let me down in the past and I ignored them all. Now this. I know that doesn't make much sense standing alone, but I'm counting on my week's history on the board to try and explain myself here.
Jadah, I was lucky because even in my fantasies, there was an end-point where my therapist would let me down. Such as going home to the wife, the person I suspect causes him grief; but also, his security in life.
I always knew that no matter what kind of man he was sexually, in the end it was his security that would matter; he has a long history with his family and no one who cared for him, could deny him that. Which made me realize, of course, that there were limits to how much *I* would be willing to sacrifice. And which suddenly made the whole thing impossible. Wow. I've never admitted that to myself before now.
I don't believe my therapist was a bad man, not at all. I think he *is* committed to the idea of his marriage, and I think he tries very hard, at times, to remind himself of this. And quite honestly, that's the very thing I love him and respect him for the most; so to jeopardize that love by trying to bring the man down from his pedestal *at the same time* I was gratifying one of my deadliest emotional needs (don't ask me why I say that, no clue), was self-defeating. Somehow I was lucky enough to recognize some part of me that was telling me that all along. If my ex-therapist were to read this, he might laugh at me, and I believe it wouldn't be the first time, but it is truth. (As I see it at this moment!!)
Jadah, you seem like such a sensitive, intelligent woman. I believe that you'll come through this whole, with a new understanding of how to help others.

I believe (and please take note, I've been wrong before!!) that this somehow was your choice; even as it was his responsibility to deny both of you.
I hope you can feel my support. (((Jadah)))




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