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Re: Transference pain never ends

Posted by Rigby on July 14, 2004, at 20:29:38

In reply to Transference pain never ends, posted by crushedout on July 13, 2004, at 21:19:15

Hi Crushed.

Well, what an effin **drag!!** I think I'd be worn out too with a therapist crush that went on for as long and as intensely as yours has.

My first take is that you're not super into this guy. If you were head over heels, the (female) therapist crush would be buh-bye. So if by any chance you were doing better in terms of your crush and now you feel that you're back sliding it could be because something is lacking between you and the person you're dating. And you don't want to settle for something any less electric or wonderful than what you feel for your therapist. This is a *good* thing! The fact that it can't be her is definitely tough *but* it means you're capable of feelings deep and wide.

Lots of assumptions and presumptions on my end so I hope I'm not offending.

Anyway, hope things get better. I'm sure they will.

> Hi all,
> I know I kind of disappeared as of late. I met a man (who happens to be a therapist of all things) and we started dating, which is very odd for me since I'm a lesbian. But that's been keeping me busy and also providing me with an important emotional outlet.
> I talked to my T today again about being in love with her. This time maybe more explicitly than ever before. It was good in that I didn't think I'd be able to talk about it and I did, but it was painful. I dissociated so as not to feel too much in front of her, but I was also able to stay present in a way. When I came home, I just wanted to sleep forever. I tried to take a nap but the guy I've been dating called and then I just started crying and when I hung up with him, I cried really, really hard.
> I'm so tired of this. I just can't accept that I never get to be her lover. Why is this going on so long? I didn't think it was supposed to go on and on like this. I really am so confused. It's so hard.
> I don't know what else to say.




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