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Re: Transference pain never ends crushedout

Posted by Raindancer on July 14, 2004, at 18:30:35

In reply to Transference pain never ends, posted by crushedout on July 13, 2004, at 21:19:15

Dear Crushed, I'm so sorry you've had such an awful time over so long and do hope things improve for you soon. You say that there is a special place in your heart for your T and that that place is hers. Well I think it always will be, no matter what happens in the future. We love many people in very many ways and some will be always special.
The way I see it (and I think I see it this way because I'm much older than you) is that you can choose to batter your head against a brick wall, ask for more than she can reasonably give you and make yourself desperately miserable or you can choose to enjoy the relationship as it is and use the time you have with her creatively and grow strong in it. There's no reason I can see why you can't stay in touch with her by email or letter for the rest of your lives if you both wish it. It just needs a shift in thinking (and this is not easy) knowing that you can't have it all, and if you could it might be damaging to both of you , but knowing that you can have some of it and seeing the love you have as a gift.

I'm not being glib. I've been in this position myself and I'm old enough to know better.

Take care of yourself. You are a lovely person. Life has many possibilities, Hugs, R.




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