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Transference pain never ends

Posted by crushedout on July 13, 2004, at 21:19:15

Hi all,

I know I kind of disappeared as of late. I met a man (who happens to be a therapist of all things) and we started dating, which is very odd for me since I'm a lesbian. But that's been keeping me busy and also providing me with an important emotional outlet.

I talked to my T today again about being in love with her. This time maybe more explicitly than ever before. It was good in that I didn't think I'd be able to talk about it and I did, but it was painful. I dissociated so as not to feel too much in front of her, but I was also able to stay present in a way. When I came home, I just wanted to sleep forever. I tried to take a nap but the guy I've been dating called and then I just started crying and when I hung up with him, I cried really, really hard.

I'm so tired of this. I just can't accept that I never get to be her lover. Why is this going on so long? I didn't think it was supposed to go on and on like this. I really am so confused. It's so hard.

I don't know what else to say.




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