Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Feeling like a failure

Posted by emmaley on July 13, 2004, at 20:30:49

I saw clients for two years from July 2001-July 2003, and then I took a year off up until this June to just allow myself to work and go to school only. I was excited to return to the counseing where I volunteered to see clients again just a month ago.

However, I have been just feeling really down and weary. Between working, traineeship, and school, I feel like I can't do it anymore sometimes, and I am bitter that I spend the better parts of my day and most of my energy working at a job that doesn't really relate to psychology, just to make ends meet. I know that almost everyone in my program is in the same situation, but I honestly have been feeling so tired. So tired. So tired. And then I beat myself up for wanting to run away. (I really want to run away, but then I don't know where to, so I stare at the wall and space out......)

And then the most terrible thing happened: I have never doubted how much I loved working with people and becoming a therapist up until now. I feel so overwhelmed to begin with, and then these doubts for the past month are just killing me--what does it mean? Does it mean I shouldn't be a therapist? Does it mean that my clients are all suffering because I am not competent? How can I be competent when I am having doubts? Such are the thoughts in my head. I feel so guilty and resentful. It's quite a combo. I wish I could be more compassionate, and the more I wish the more I become depressed.

Why do I want to be a therapist? I can't seem to feel it anymore. These days I have been trying to sit with these feelings and work them out in supervision, but honestly, I don't know. How can I help anyone heal if I can't help myself heal? I am just as confused if not more than everyone around me.

What is therapy, anyway?




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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:emmaley thread:365826