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Re: Talk about lousy timing... Racer

Posted by gardenergirl on July 10, 2004, at 9:11:47

In reply to Talk about lousy timing..., posted by Racer on July 9, 2004, at 14:30:25


My T caught me attempting (and failing) to do a great deal of bootstrapping this week. I was feeling really really down on myself for not getting anything done. I mean nothing. I would get up, eat, watch some TV or surf the internet, eat lunch, nap, watch some more TV, and finally get ready for my hubby to come home. There is plenty here I need to do (insert "D" word here), so even though this is "summer break", I am not on vacation. The more days that went by like this, the more self-loathing I felt, wondering why I was such a lazy slug. I even got mad at myself for my insomnia, because I blamed my behaviors for getting my sleep out of whack.

Now let's look at this clinically: insomnia increased? check. No interest in things that are usually pleasant (gardening, reading)? check. Feeling worthless? check. Feeling helpless/hopeless and overwhelmed? check. Eating behaviors changed? check (yeah, I've been bingeing at times.) Feeling paralyzed? check. Low mood? check. I could go on, but hmmmmm. What does this look like to you and to the rest of the world who knows even the slightest bit about depression? I'M DEPRESSED! Now I have this strong urge to type "duh! You are such a dope". Which also fits in...negative thoughts.

Now here's my bad timing thing. In order to deal with the insomnia, I just DECREASED my AD! LOL. We'll just have to see how THAT affects my depression.

My point in going on and on about me is this. Please don't beat yourself up for what you are stuggling with right now. It is not YOU, it is the disorder. No bootstrapping allowed. Not that doesn't mean that you don't have to do anything to get better. But would a diabetic beat themselves up for needing insulin? (Wait, my hubby did that for awhile, bad example. :)

And if your hubby decides to become a citizen in order to join the Republican party we have two options the way I see it. First, we can look at him as infiltrating the party in order to get the Democrats insider information. Second, we can lock him in a room and play him video of Shrub smirking 24/7 until he revokes his membership.

Take care!





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