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Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger**

Posted by shadows721 on July 9, 2004, at 17:43:22

In reply to Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger** shadows721, posted by B2chica on July 9, 2004, at 12:02:45

It's really hard to explain this dissociation in words, but I will give a try. It feels like spacing (day dreaming) gone out of control. It feels like what's in front of me may turn into a blank room at any minute. When in conversation, my mind "locks" up. I try to talk, but nothing comes out or a voice foreign sounding talks about something else.

I feel like the abuse hack sawed my mind into pieces. I have horrible headaches and dizziness. Lately, my hair is falling out and my gums have been getting sores. My pdoc says it's stress from the litigation going into digging into my abuse psych records. I lay down and I feel like I am in another room and people are talking sometimes about me or what I have been doing. I hope this makes sense, B2. It's very difficult to explain. I loose train of thought easily. Sometimes, it feels like time is going to fast and then it's going to slow. It's all just my mind doing all this. There's a lot of confusion in my head. It's funny to hear you say I sound together. A lot of people tell me that, but it's like a house of horrors in my head. I struggle to stay grounded in the present and focused on what people are saying. Sometimes, my hearing actually changes too. I can't hear and then everything is too loud. This all doesn't sound like it makes sense, but it's all the aftermath of trauma. For me, the trauma didn't just effect my memory banks, but the way my mind works. What worked years ago is a handicap in an adult world. I have to recheck my posts before submitting them, because they will have words unrelated thrown in a sentence and it will not make sense. I have to work 2x as hard to get somewhere as someone else mentally. Sometimes, words that someone uses sound totally foreign. I have to ask what do they mean. It's as if I am hearing that word for the 1st time. Part of mind, may be hearing it for the first time. Gosh, this all sounds strange, but it is the truth.




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