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Talk about lousy timing...

Posted by Racer on July 9, 2004, at 14:30:25

So, my withdrawal is giving way, which is a mixed blessing, but today was the day that marriage counseling just ripped me to pieces. My husband brought up some things that really made him angry with me -- all perfectly reasonable, and all things that I agree were thoughtless of me and will try to avoid in future -- and our MC did try to show him where they're coming from in me (overwhelming anxiety, mostly), and I even *want* him to talk about those things, because I feel as if he's holding so much of it back and it's poisoning his love for me. The timing stinks a lot, though. The last couple of days, as my emotions have been coming back, I've been having so much trouble just getting through the day and this happening when the morning was already going badly for me was enough to trigger the kind of break-down crying that always scares me so much. (And, the kind of crying that I do suppress as much as I can. Just too awful, and I can't function afterwards.)

(Oh, yeah, and today was a day when I had to leave the house alone, too, after the session, so triply horrifying for me to lose control that way. And it came on top of a lot of self-criticism for compulsive eating and laziness. {{sigh}} Can anyone add something to that which might have made it even worse? I'm sure there's a lot that could have been involved to make it worse, but it's hard to think of what it might be right now. Except maybe that he's decided to apply for citizenship in order to join the Republican Party...)

Can anyone just join me with examples of bad timing in therapy? Or just offer some sort of comfort? Tell me what you've done to ease the distress that this sort of thing leaves?

Thanks. (And while I'm very, very low right now, and do have the suicidal ideation going, I made a solemn promise to Shar not to act on it without her consent. As well as a promise of a similar nature to both my husband and our MC. I am safe, just very, very self-loathing and miserable.)




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