Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Attachment struggles - again!

Posted by daisym on July 8, 2004, at 15:13:17

I went to therapy at the beginning of the week and said that I thought that I needed to pull back. I told him that this intense attachment was just too painful and I was having a hard time between sessions. I had it all worked out in my head before I went into the session, had my reasons lined up and was prepared to "prove" that cutting back on sessions and contact was the best idea.

But once I said the words: I wanted to reduce the amount of contact I had with him, I started to fall apart. His response was, "do you want me to help you pull back?" and I didn't expect that. I asked him how he would do that, he said he wasn't sure, he'd have to think about it. He wanted to know exactly what I had been thinking about and said he could certainly understand how the work we were doing would make me feel more lonely irl. He said he wanted to respond to this part of me that was pulling away and would respect whatever decision I came to about the amount of contact we had. He also asked if the homework writing had led me to this conclusion. I got more and more upset as this discussion went on, there was a war raging in my head about needing him and running from him. I told him I felt rejected on all sides and left in tears. I had a horrible night, bouncing between the "I've ruined everything" thoughts to the "he is obviously tired of me and wants to pull back too" thoughts.

I was really anxious when I went in yesterday. He asked me if I could explain why I was so upset when I left. I told him about my conflicting thoughts, all the mind chasing I had done and told him I was upset with him for not giving his opinion straight out. I also admitted that I was hurt because I thought he was agreeing with me, even though I "started" the conversation. And I was so CONFUSED.

He nodded and said he was pretty sure that was what I would say He said he had felt frustrated when I left that he had let things get out of hand. That he actually felt strongly that I shouldn't cut back sessions and he had been trying to give me room to reach that conclusion myself. Because he thought the tears were from the little kid-me who wanted and needed him and wanted a lot of the contact. He admitted that he thought she would protest strongly about less contact when he asked about helping me cut back. But when I got more confused and then left, he said he knew he should have just give have given his opinion straight out, and advocated more strongly for my little kid needs. He said he sometimes forgets how hard it is for me to see that "just" wanting something is a good enough reason to get it.

We spent the rest of the session exploring my fears and whether less contact would really help between sessions. He didn't think so. In fact, he thinks more check-ins, more contact, not less, is what I need right now. He talked a lot about how this deep work is regressive and how we then need to respond to those parts with as much security as possible. That my feelings were "childlike" not "childish." I asked him if it was hard to work with so many age states and he said no, he thought this was the most satisfying kind of work and the most healing. He also talked about how we have a cultural bias against dependency of any kind, but in particular against any on your therapist. He said he can't figure out how people can confide their darkest thoughts and most vulnerable fears to someone yet be expected to not get attached to this confidant. That's why he uses the word "attachment" instead of "dependency" because it is less pejorative. I asked how he felt about "forever therapy" (Dinah!) and he smiled and said he was fine with that, "however long you need me."

It still felt a little like sparring, it wasn't all warm and fuzzy. I think because I am still conflicted about what I need from him between sessions. Somehow it seems to be "just" knowing he is still out here, still exists for me to reach out to if I need him. And I still can't put away the fears that he is going to get tired of me. My dreams last night were that he was really angry at me for continually "testing" him.


I wish there was a way to get past this. And STAY past it.




Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post

Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.


Start a new thread

Google www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:daisym thread:364111