Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Posted by Dinah on July 6, 2004, at 20:55:39

Just before I went into hibernation, I think I remember you asking me about the therapy topic of isolation? How being with people may cause too much pain? I can't find it now, and I may be way off.

If I recall correctly, and I'm not sure I do, the circumstances we discussed the topic wouldn't be the same as yours. I've been an introverted loner for most of my life, with family being about as much interaction as I can handle. I find human interaction overstimulating and stress inducing, as well as rewarding and lots of fun. Sometimes I get the urge to turn myself back to things and daydreams rather than people. For a lot of reasons. Things and daydreams don't upset me. And the specific aspect of pain we were discussing was the fluid nature of relationships.

Now mind you, I am a stable person in many ways (obviously not in other ways - grin). Other people change jobs, move, etc. etc. etc. But me, I'm always here. I'm about five miles from where I grew up. I've had the same job and the same boyfriend/husband for over twenty years. I'm close to my parents. If anyone asks what's new with me, the answer is usually not much. But other people move and grow and change. And I'm always the one who is left. I have a pattern with friends where I'm the "between relationships friend", or the "when I get back to town friend". They always know where to find me when they need me. And I'm always right here, happy to see them. My therapist has a nice way of saying it. He says that commitment is important to me. I say I'm a person who tends to fall in ruts. :)

But the thing is that I'm always the one who gets left, gets abandoned. Because I just never leave. I'm just here. Always here. So I never abandon, because how can I when I'm always right here and willing to have things be just as they always have been in friendship, jobs, life, whatever.

My therapist was telling me that that's the way all friendships are. Not just mine, or online ones, or anything personal to me. Things just always change. But that usually both people change and move on and friendships change or dissolve.

I dunno. I'm thinking about it. It's all a bit confusing to me.




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