Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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A better session (finally)

Posted by fallsfall on July 5, 2004, at 14:47:31

I haven't been writing much about what is going on in my therapy right now. For the last month or so things have been incredibly difficult. There were 3 or 4 sessions when I said almost nothing because I was afraid of what would happen if I did talk. This is, of course, completely unlike me - usually I can force myself to talk about just about anything.

He has been patient about my silence. We have agreed that I am "stuck" - and that it makes him stuck, too. I can't talk because I'm afraid, but things can't get better if I don't talk.

Last week I brought some posts and IMs in and read them. He doesn't like me to read, but I figured (and he agreed) that getting "old" words (and other people's words) out there was better than getting no words out there. At least there was some conversation, but the session ended very badly.

Today I read some journalling and told him about a dream. We talked about my father (and what he is going through in his retirement), and as I described him it was very clear that in many, many ways I feel the same way that my father does. Talking about my father allows me a little distance, so I can actually form the sentances.

When he recapped things at the end, I knew that my therapist had heard what I said today. What a relief! I know that it won't be smooth sailing from now on, but even if it is just one session where I feel even a bit understood, that gives me hope that I can hold on to through the hard issues. That if we both work hard enough, that we *can* communicate. And I do know that he *is* working as hard as I am (well, maybe not quite as hard, but he is truly working) - and that is important to me.

I almost don't know what to do with myself after a "not-bad" session. I took a nap, that was good. I have a headache and feel quite foggy. But at least I'm not irate or in tears - variety in life is a good thing.




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