Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Posted by shortelise on July 4, 2004, at 20:56:37

I don't know if I will have the patience to write this out, so if I stop somewhere and trail off, forgive me.

I went into therpay because I was too anxious to work. I work in the film industry, am very specialized so am not needed on many films, had lots of work, but was finding that I was not able to sleep, was feeling terrified in the days before I went on set, vomited and had insomnia the night before. It was awful

It's better now, not perfect, but a lot better. I take less work than I used to, am also offered less work than before as I went three or four years refusing almost every call I got.

I went through the therapeutic process with my shrink (this is not a disrespectful term for thepsychiatrist I see - I've just always called them shrinks and I see no reason not to) discovered that I have an anxiety disorder (and it was a discovery to find out that there was such a thing!), leanred that I have an attachemtn disorder, so getting attached to my shrink was a long, frightening process.

After about two years I began to feel attached to him, and it was ugly, hard work to go through the stuff I went through. I doubt I'm telling anyone here anything they don't already know. Then a year or so ago, I began to feel really better, to have longer periods where I felt well, and now I'd say I'm ready to leave therapy and get on with my life.

Here's the thing: I apparently suffered from some sort of emotional or pyhsical neglect which is why I needed so much this kind and gentle treatment from my shrink. It seems to have worked, I have to say, but at this point, at the end of therapy, he seems to be trying to puch me away. I feel rejected, and uncared for. I feel so hurt and cannot understand how this process can heal an identical hurt from before I can remember by subjecting me to it again.

It's supposed to be about awareness, right? How do I inform my gut? It feels the same to me, I know this pain, I have experienced it in various situations throughout my life. That I understand where it comes from, albeit in a pretty abstract way, does not make it go away. Am I supposed to just live with it, swallow this hurt and go away?

I feel so angry, so hurt. I want to never go back,not go through the termination phase (I've said it before and I'll say it again: it would be very nice if they revised the terminolgy a little!).

This is all stuff I have unsatisfactorily discussed with my psychiatrist.

Please don't feel I am hoping for some nice "sorry you are feeling badly" responses. That's not what I come here for. I appreciate the kindness here.

Oh, and if I have again posted in the wrong place, I think I'm going to have to give up on this forum!!!

Thanks for reading me, and for thinking about this quandry. I just honestly don't know where to go with it.





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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:shortelise thread:363118