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Re: I know I am the oddball here... KindGirl

Posted by spoc on April 6, 2004, at 20:37:44

In reply to I know I am the oddball here..., posted by KindGirl on April 4, 2004, at 0:15:25

> ....Now, in your case or in everyone else's case it might be the complete opposite. I am fiercely independent and rely on nobody and have been this way all my life, so I see my t's point in showing me I need to learn to ask for help and to be able to receive it... >
Wow, I can really relate to that. I keep things in to the point of seeming defensive or irritable when cornered. Even here I may be able to write a blue streak sometimes, but not just come out and say, "GOOD LORD am I sad/worried/paralyzed today." And all that affects what I get in return, and even peoples' ability to tell when I am feeling very weak and could use support. Your T sounds fabulous. The last time I tried, I came at the pdoc with the force of years of stored thoughts, because I was finally ready. But I think if anything he assumed that must be my approach in general, and that I should learn deprivation instead or something. He withheld any kind of connection, reinforcement or comfort of any nature. Even when I'd tell him how bad things were getting between sessions, he seemed to find it irrelevant, so I can only guess that he assumed it was a play for attention. In reality he was the only one I had or was turning to, and that had been hard. I haven't yet been able to get up the will to try that I had when I started with him, I feel like that was the last of it. I haven't lost faith in the biz, just no energy. So anyway, thanks, hearing about experiences like yours is always encouraging for whenever I can mobilize again.




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