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Re: Psychotherapy (kinda long) Pandabear

Posted by DaisyM on April 6, 2004, at 19:00:50

In reply to Psychotherapy, posted by Pandabear on April 6, 2004, at 18:38:59

There is an early post from me somewhere about practically this same issue. I would get whammied after sessions (like hours later) with all the emotions and pain yet during the session, I would be mostly calm and together. I wanted to process these intense emotions WITH my Therapist, not later. Many wise friends here said a couple of things that really helped me and I'm going to borrow from them:

1) Just because you can't/don't cry in front of your Therapist doesn't mean you aren't feeling things intensely with her. You don't need to prove you are upset or depressed by crying. She knows that. She doesn't think you are making it all up. So crying outside of therapy is OK.

2) Try to think of it in a practical way -- you are paying to talk with her. Crying could get in the way to talking or working on issues. So crying outside of therapy is OK.

3)Some of what you are experiencing outside of therapy could be an attachment "thing". Meaning, you feel more upset and sad without your Therapist because you miss her. You feel more secure with her right now. This comes out as crying. So crying outside of therapy is OK.

4) Somewhere you may have been taught that crying is inappropriate. I heard a million times, "crying won't help anything" so it is really, really hard for me to let tears fall. I well up a lot and then immediately fall back on deep breathing to internalize those tears. It has nothing to do with trusting my Therapist. He tells me all the time it is Ok to cry, but I rarely, very rarely do.

5) Releasing tears any where is a release. They count. Don't minimize this release "just" because it wasn't with your Therapist.

I know how frustrating this can be. I had this great fantasy going for a long time that I would break down, cry it all out and then the sun would come out and I'd be "all better". Ask yourself why this has become such a big issue to you and what you hope will happen if you can cry in therapy. Maybe there is a way to get this need met besides tears.

Hope this helps. I wish I could hand you a hanky.




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