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Re: Scared to death gardenergirl

Posted by Pandabear on April 4, 2004, at 16:44:03

In reply to Re: Scared to death, posted by gardenergirl on April 4, 2004, at 15:04:44

My frustration with the meds is that I have taken seroquel because it has a mood stablizer and it is also for me to be able to sleep better..but they have me on it because of my being bipolar supposedly..and when i found that out i wanted to get off it because the side effect of being groggy and out of it ..unable to get out of bed in the morning was too much. I have to be at work at seven forty five in the morning and it was to hard for me to get up...BUT, if I can get to where I agree with them that I am bipolar..if they can convince me, then I will take the medicine and just deal with the side effects knowing that I have no choice...right now, I have a choice because I dont agree. (My Pdoc is telling me that she thinks im rebellious because IM not wanting to take my med...thats not it..even though I know im rebellious..and stubborn...I have a right to not take anything that I dont feel I need until i know why im taking it and until i have a full understanding. Im also concerned because I dont want to be putting something into my body that I might not need. Medicine for any mental illness is VERY POWERFUL..and If im putting seroquel into my body and there is a chance i might not need it..I dont want to take i dont want to be taking a medicine that is going to do more harm than good to me... Yet i do agree that the seroquel did make me feel better....I cant win.

As far as my singing goes, I have been able to relax from therapy...yet I did leave a message on the machine this weekend about wanting to come in either this thurs late afternoon...or this friday LATE AFTERNOON....I am singing at 12:10 so if we met late at like 5pm....i would be through with singing and could get upset all i wanted. If we met thursday...I could maybe work things out with her and get to a point where i felt I could carry on...but you are right about trying to seperate the two. I practice singing in my home and Im fine..its when I have to get up and sing in front of the church or when im practing in the choir room that I get upset...But IM practicing one last time this wednesday so we shall see.

Thank you for your advice and kind words...I feel like my life is just so full of drama. It is hard for me because my boss at work wants to always know whats going on with me and when im down, she doesnt seem to think that my problems are a big deal and she brushes them off like its nothing. It might not mean anything to her..and the bipolar issue might not be a big deal to her but it is to me..and i cannot get that through to her. It is nice to be able to get support from people that understand on this site... Thanks.




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