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Re: Scared and worried: 1st session tomorrow w/ new T Racer

Posted by Pfinstegg on April 4, 2004, at 12:47:49

In reply to Scared and worried: 1st session tomorrow w/ new T, posted by Racer on April 4, 2004, at 9:25:54

Noa's suggestions seem just right. Developing trust is going to be a tremendous accomplishment for you; it's probably not going to be something that is going to just be *there* if you find just the right therapist; it's going to be a hard-won accomplishment, which will take a lot of work.

Having said that, it is important to pay very close attention to how you are feeling in your initial encounter with your new therapist. You do need to have a *gut* feeling that she will be someone whom you will eventually be able to trust. It would be good to get this central issue right out there from the beginning; you need to tell her how difficult trust is for you- and even the moment-to-moment feelings you are having about her in your initial session. I think you should feel entitled to leave your first session with some feelings of hope and a sense of *fit*. If those are not there. your chances of making real therapeutic progress in trust are not as good as they would be otherwise. Think of Falls interviewing a number of therapists even when she was in the midst of a miserable transference crisis with her previous T. She was able to make a good choice, and now, a little less than a year later (I think), she is feeling so good about her present experience. You can interview several, too, and make a good choice! (remember the analytic candidates)

Everyone.s major issues are a different mix. Here, we seem to hear more often about people having intense, dependent transferences, which have sometimes led to horrible situations- either the client not being able to lessen the dependency, or the therapist becoming suddenly rejecting. However, there are others- I would include myself, and Dinah as she describes herself upon entering treatment- forgive me if I'm wrong, Dinah!- who do have trust as major initial issues, and who need time to form secure attachments. However, I think both Dinah and I have moved gradually into a state of secure attachment with our T's which has been tremendously helpful to us. Just speaking for myself, allowing real trust to happen has been a major step towards becoming healthier. If you feel you are like us. I'd say, choose your therapist wisely and carefully, and then be prepared to have to work hard for an "earned secure attachment" It will take time, but you can do it!

Don't allow yourself to get into another situation where you know the fit is poor, and in which you spend your time blaming your therapist. Find a good one with whom you can take responsibility for your own issues and work towards changing what needs changing- you'll have a caring and competent person to do it with. It will be a hard journey, but not an impossible one- and you will have moments of joy and satisfaction along the way as you are growing. That's the best feeling in the world!




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