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Re: argh - termination - help?

Posted by LG04 on April 3, 2004, at 12:00:08

In reply to Re: argh - termination - help?, posted by shortelise on April 2, 2004, at 20:28:58

Hi, I am new to this list, I have been reading posts for a few weeks and this is the first time I am posting.

I am in the middle of terminating with my therapist. She is the most amazing therapist I have ever had. I am moving to another country (I currently live in Jerusalem, Israel and am moving back to the States this summer, not by choice but because I have to) and am in terrible pain over leaving my therapist. I am very very attached to her and have never had a more intimate and trusting relationship in my entire life. (I'm 36 years old, single). If I could stay here, I'd probably see her for 4-5 more years. She is perfect for me. We have a very close relationship. We are working hard on trying to figure out what to "do" with our relationship when I leave. I can't just leave and never speak to her again, no way, no how, I could never do it.

Thankfully, she is very flexible and we are even talking about gradually turning our relationship into a friendship ( I will be visiting Israel every summer at a minimum, if not twice a year, and after my 3 year obligation to teach in America, I will probably return to live here). She wants to do whatever is best for me. She has warned me about becoming friends because then if I moved back here, she could not be my therapist. And there are other reasons not to become friends, maybe I need to keep her in my head as my therapist, etc. We've talked about them all. She is basically willing to do whatever is best for me. But clearly she can't continue to be my therapist when I am a few oceans away. It's just so painful. And how will I ever be able to build a connection with a new therapist in my new home? It's like breaking up with a boyfriend, it feels like I can't just go to another therapist so quickly. It would hurt so much.

She's been practicing for 15 years, I know 2 of her other clients who also think she is simply amazing, and she said she has never turned a client relationship into a friendship before. This is highly unusual but the connection between us is so strong. (it's not a sexual connection by the way; she is married and I am heterosexual and I do not have erotic transference with her though I have some intense transference with her that is slowly fading). I know we all think it would be amazing to be friends with our therapist and now that the opportunity is coming my way, all I want is just to be able to stay here and have her stay my therapist...but that's not a choice I have. So I have to figure out what will be best for me from here on out...the pain for me is that our relationship will change, no matter what I decide. It hurts so much.

Anyway that is my situation. I could so relate to this termination thread and the pain it causes when you don't really want it to happen (or heck even if you do).

I do want to say that we are continuing to meet until the day I get on the plane. I too have feelings sometimes that I just want to run and say forget it, goodbye, but that wouldn't be healthy for me. And I would regret the time that I could have spent with her.

If anyone wants to comment, I'd be happy to hear your thoughts.





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