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Re: No where to go from here (rambling) mair

Posted by fallsfall on April 2, 2004, at 18:15:43

In reply to No where to go from here (rambling), posted by mair on April 2, 2004, at 16:43:43

You need to consider why you won't talk about it. Have you talked with her about what you think will happen if you talk about it? Obviously, it is causing you anxiety. When I start to get into this situation, and then I do finally tell, I usually find that the anticipation has made the topic much worse than it really is. And the longer I've put it off the more anticipation there is and the worse it feels.

If you've seen her for 4+ years, then you have a pretty good idea of how she will react to things. Unless it is something that will require her to contact some kind of authorities, it will stay just between you and her. Has she violated your trust ever in the past? YOU already know about this thing - so telling her doesn't change anything as far as you are concerned (I know that saying things out loud does make them a little different, but it will not be *new* information for you). So the only one who will be hearing something new is her. After 4 years, she has a pretty good idea of who you are and what you are like. I can't imagine that this one topic would really change her opinion of you. Is this something that happens all the time, or was it a one shot deal? Is it THAT different from the other things that you have told her? What is the worst thing that you could (realistically) think that she would do? What's the best? What's the most likely?

Therapists hear secrets all the time. You and I have no way to know how "awful" your secret is compared to other things that she has heard. I told my therapist a very embarassing secret recently. He knew that it was a big deal for me to tell him, and he had his best therapist manners on. He was concerned, asked one or maybe two very appropriate questions, talked with me about what I could do next, and then left it in my hands. When they know that something is a big deal for you, they go out of their way to make it easier and less traumatic.

I have been in therapy for more than 9 years. I have told a bunch of stuff. I don't regret telling any of it. My therapist has always treated me with respect.

If you still need therapy, you should try to figure out what makes this one topic so awful. If it is something you are ashamed of, then you can say so. You are allowed to try something and then decide that you don't like it. And if it is something that someone did to you, then she can probably help you with misplaced guilt.

I guess I think you should find a way to tell her.

 

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