Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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can i jump in here for support too?

Posted by platinumbride on March 30, 2004, at 23:03:36

In reply to Re: Thinking about quitting therapy, posted by antigua on March 30, 2004, at 16:19:20

I will try to make this brief and concise, though it is really far from that.

I was referred to my current pdoc, who also does pshychotherapy(heretofore to be called 'shrink') about 7 years ago. He is a very kind, well-intentioned man who has bent over backwards for me over the years.

My therapy with him was not a consistent thing until a few years ago, after a stint in the psych ward of a city far from him. I had made a suicide attempt. I was stuck in that ward for at least 2 weeks according to the laws of my state. I wanted out asap. The doc at the hospital advocated for me to get out of there with several stipulations. One was that I have intensive therapy, three times per week. So I moved back to that area where my shrink practices (also where my dad lived) and did everything I had agreed to do.

I had no insurance. This MD charged me fifty bucks a session. His sessions always run over an hour. We have things in common. ( I was an opera singer before I flipped out, he was a pianist before med school).

The problem is that the therapy never really "goes" anywhere. I feel like an ingrate because he has been so flexible and good about so many things. But the sessions are so "willy nilly". there is no structure to them, and there is no continuity from session to session. In many cases I have told him the same story more than twice! He deems significant things that are really obvious and trivial. OK, I am NOT where I was 3 years ago when I came to him fresh from the hospital, but all of the things that are better are situational. No fundamental changes have really taken place in me. We play games with meds, but that is such a crap shoot anyway, as anyone who is on meds will attest to.

In reality, I am just using him for his prescription pad and becoming more and more annoyed when I have sessions with him either on the phone (I have since moved again) or in his office. I have been a chronic canceller of appointments for over a year now, and he doesnt' GET IT!!!!!!

I have tried being subtle about leaving him (yes, it does feel like leaving a lover) but he rarely bites......then when he does, I cower and miss my opportunity to say "thanks, but I need to move on".

part of the thing is that I owe him thousands of dollars, which he has never ONCE asked for or made an issue of. Another part is that he always has returned phone calls when I have been in distress and stayed on with me for an hour in some cases!

But I am not moving along in this. And I feel deep inside of me that I need to stop wasting my time and his and get either a new therapist to talk to or just screw talk therapy altogether for the time being (I am, in general, very resistant to it.....maybe it is because I think his suggestions are inane.......THERE I SAID IT!!!)

But when you owe someone so makes it tough.

I jsut cancelled another appt. I know that I need to give him a speech about not wanting to do talk therapy now (but will ya still write me scripts???). In an ideal situation I would not be such a chicken and just look him in the eye and say "dude, this is sooooo not working", but I am a chicken.....

Can I end this with a phone call? I mean the guy is an hour from me....and getting there is extrememly complicated. Do I owe him a look in the eye? Am I making a mistake?

Any input would really help, I think....
My stomach is getting upset just thinking about it.






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