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Re: Is there an end to Transference and Feelings for T

Posted by Karen_kay on February 17, 2004, at 12:27:11

In reply to Re: Is there an end to Transference and Feelings for T Karen_kay, posted by CarrotCake on February 16, 2004, at 7:05:11

> I agree with your point that I am only seeing the Therapist and not the person as a whole. But that shouldn't be a problem with the right relational context, should it?

**Well, in a perfect world, it wouldn't be a problem. But, since you go in once a week (??) and tell this person intimate secrets about yourself, you almost define what the therapist is to you, right? I mean, you have an idealized version of your therapist in your head and then out of nowhere *POOF* you see her in a social setting. This could potentially destroy that illusion that you had of her.

Take for instance me (as an example, hope you don't mind)... I had a version of Bubba in my head, what I wanted him to be, adn what he was in the office. So, I idealized him to the point that I honestly thought that version of him is all there is to him. How great would that be? A person who listens all the time, never loses their temper, never gets angry, and is only there to help me.... However, I saw a picture of his wife and was disappointed. That started to break tht illussion down. Then, he became very angry with me when I told him. See, I started to see other sides of him that I didn't want to see.. The real him. The bubba that lies, the bubba that loses his temper, ect.. Not that I dislike him, but I am beginning to ralize that he is a complete person, not just the person there to serve my needs.... See...

So, it shouldn't be a problem, depending on how the client takes it. And how the therapist responds to the situation. They should be aware that we do have certain ideas about what they are, and those ideas are usually self-involved... Sorry that was so long,I'll try to make the rest shorter...


> Your way is to maintain a distance from bubba. Not to get too close to him? Do you find that your sessions are as productive?


**No, my sessions aren't nearly as productive as they could be. I focus alot on him, where I should be focusing on me. But, I have a very hard time trusting men. And I am very good at distraction adn avoidance. That's one of my big problems..


>
> I saw my T last week and mentioned my strong feelings for her, my lack of trust in her and the sessions as a whole. We worked through it and I feel great. She does not feel the same! She cares etc, etc, and I believe her. By her saying she does not have strong feelings for me is quite empowering. This, underpinned with what I see as our joint commitment to our sessions means that the relationship is stronger and set into a firmer context.

**It is so great that you feel wonderful upon hearing that. I would be hurt to hear that someone does not have feelings for me. I strive to make everyone love me. I strive to make evreyone proud of me. I want to be the best student, the best client, the favorite EVERYTHING. But, in the past, when I have feelings for someone, like a boss, ect.. If they reveal that they have feelings for me, I run.. I want a father, not a lover.

> You can have friends, lovers or a T, and you would generally try not mix them up as things may get messy. Each relationship is different and I think the challange is to see the value of each and use the good bits of each. I get lots of value out of my T and I just need to keep a focus on that. My friends are great as well but within a different scope of my life. Together life has lots of flavours. I just need to appreciate and listen to all of them and not just T.

**I agree completely!!! But, sometimes it's hard to get those feelings straight in your head when a therapist acts like a friend, or a father, ect.... It's jsut hard when you want something and you're used to getting it...


> So now I am left with a T who knows how I feel and we can now work together on understanding those feelings. I now hope that the T relationship, and I, will be stronger as a result.

**I'm sure it will be stronger!! I applaud you!

> My question for you is what I said earlier.... are you getting out of Therapy what you want? Or is holding back from your T hindering the process?

**I'm slowly making progress. That can't be denied. But, holding back is what I do best. I can't help it...


>
> CC
>


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poster:Karen_kay thread:310426
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