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Re: Is there an end to Transference and Feelings for T Karen_kay

Posted by Dinah on February 13, 2004, at 19:07:13

In reply to Re: Is there an end to Transference and Feelings for T CarrotCake, posted by Karen_kay on February 11, 2004, at 13:16:24

Awww, KK.

I hope you don't mind if you say that I am both pleased with Bubba for his boundary setting in some ways, and extremely displeased with him for his lack of empathy. Boy, if it isn't one thing it's another. :(

Maybe since he's realized (perhaps with some supervisory help) that he crossed the boundaries more than his colleages would approve, he's now erring (and erring badly) in the other direction.

I can't imagine what earthly therapeutic goal telling you that he feels no emotional connection to you can serve. Especially since it's so clearly untrue. (And it is clearly untrue, you know.) Perhaps he means a certain type of emotional connection, not any emotional connection at all.

My therapist always told me that he cared about me, even when I "felt" he didn't like me very much. When I'd quit periodically, he'd tell me how much he had enjoyed our time together and that he cared for me. And I would answer "Well *I* don't care a bit about *you*, or *I* have no emotional connection to *you*. It was rude of me, and it's doubly rude on the other side of the couch.

I told him lately that I wasn't sure he wasn't lying when he told me he felt an emotional connection because he could hardly tell a client he had *no* emotional connection. And he answered that no, he would never say that, but he might say he was having difficulty in feeling an emotional connection, and maybe he and the client could try to figure out why that might be so that they could get past it.

The ultimatum stinks. Can you ask him if you can speak to his supervisor directly to tell him all the good things that therapy *has* brought you. And why you're not ready to force memories. Why an hour a day? Why not half an hour or three hours? Sigh. My therapist once asked what I would do if he gave me an ultimatum. I told him I'd lie through my teeth with no guilt at all because a promise given under duress was not binding. He said he figured that would be my answer, and never issued the ultimatum.

I guess you're now experiencing the downside of inexperience. :(




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