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Why do they do this to me?

Posted by Pandabear on February 12, 2004, at 18:16:41

In reply to Re: Im about to really loose it. Pandabear, posted by Crooked Heart on February 11, 2004, at 12:36:35

Ok, so I started out in therapy almost two years ago because I was obsessed with this guy and now I am over it thank goodness but now...I am so dependant on my therapist and obsessed with having to talk to her constantly. (I call about legitimate things) but, I have to talk to her at least twice a week. I met with my psychiatrist on Tuesday and she is now doing what she calls a "study" on me where she is going to see if I can make it without talking to my therapist until our next appt. which is this next monday. THIS IS EXTREMELY HARD FOR ME. I feel as though im being punished. She told me that I need not fear about what they think of me when I call. She said its what I think that they think that is the problem...and that that is what they are trying to figure out..why I am worrying so much. She said for me not to feel like I was a failure for calling if I do call. BUT OF COURSE I WILL..because she told me not to call and yet, I might call and if i going to worry about the fact that I messed up and im going to wonder if they are disappointed in me!!!! (and of course Im doing wrong right now by obsessing over this) but I have to talk to someone. She doesnt want me calling for anything..not even if my medicine isnt working right...(unless of course im having a serious side effect) But I started taking Seroquel two nights ago and the only side effect im having is that Im dizzy and I think my reaction time is off I almost got in 4 wrecks today ..yet it did rain but that was really odd for me bc im not a bad driver....and Im a little goofy-er..but I dont know if that is something to be expected..the folks at work like me better though :) Anyway, I told my coworker that I feel like a fish in a fish bowl because everyone is watching me to see what im going to do next and my therapists are watching me to see if im going to call...and I dont know what to do. I really want to talk to my therapist because I have been depressed since last wednesday but I cant call her. It is going to build up until monday and then im going to explode at our session. I already have SO MUCH to talk to her about and now, Im going to be soooooo frustrated that I havent been able to talk to her and I just dont know what im going to do..ill probably be so worked up I wont be able to talk. I just feel as though Im going through the same thing now that I went through with the guy I was obsessed with. He put a limit on me calling him and that is what made me more obsessed. Now, Im feeling more obessed than ever but I dont want to upset them and yet I think they want to see me obessed so that they can fix me yet I dont know what to do..I want to be able to talk to my therapist whenever I feel that I need her and the office staff told me to call whenever I needed and that that was what they were there for. I just feel so stuck. I need to hear my therapist voice before Monday or else its going to be a long weekend. (do I sound weak or what). Im meeting with her Monday at five. I had to move all my appts with her to five because my boss doesnt support them anymore. Kind of stinks. PLUS another thing I dont like is that everytime I come into the office or talk to my therapist then reports to my psychiatrist and so they always know whats going on. Except for my psychiatrist doesnt know what I talk about with Linda unless there is a medication problem...but I feel like Im being treated like im psychotic. I know My therapist would want me to call her Im just so hung up on what she thinks because I know she is reporting to my psychiatrist...I CANT WIN..:( Someone respond with words of encouragement or wisdom or something..Im realy not doing too well..I have been so depressed for over a week and Im about to flip out because no one knows how to help me...only my therapists do and I CANT TALK TO THEM...( My psychiatrist (who isnt one one of my favorites)is trying to make me less dependant on my therapist) Im really going to loose it...Help......<><




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