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Re: Is there an end to Transference and Feelings for T Karen_kay

Posted by CarrotCake on February 10, 2004, at 5:09:32

In reply to Re: Is there an end to Transference and Feelings for T CarrotCake, posted by Karen_kay on February 9, 2004, at 11:32:04

You have hit on some good points there.

In respect of wether I rely on others to prove my own self worth? I would generally say no, but something isn't right about the relationship with my T (yes she is a she) that has the same characteristics of some previous relationships. I am keen to work through this and establishing what was missing in both the past relationships and with the current relatinonship with T that makes me feel this way. You could be right.

The immediate issue with my T is trust. I need to trust my T and have respect for her. I used to, however I now see conflicting messages from within our professional meetings which are also being confused further by her behaviour when we do happen to bump into each other socially (She has trouble dealing with this, we have discussed this in the past and she is trying. How hard is it to smile, say hello, discuss the weather and news for 2 mins and then wish me a nice night?).

You could say 'why should I care how she feels?' In the real world, If I feel love for someone, I do something about it. That could lead to a loving relationship or, as is this case with my T, it won't. In the real world, I would normally distance myself from the person for whom I feel love that is not reciprocated and those feelings with slowly disappear. I can't distance myself from my T other than by leaving or to withdraw (but then I am still faced with seeing someone I have feelings for every week). Therefore my view of a workable approach is to get it all out into the open. Her feelings and mine. Get it on the table and agree what is good for the sessions and what is not. The good can be the framework upon which trust and the sessions can be based. The bad needs to be worked through and understood as the topic of the sessions.

Does that make sense, or am I barking up the wrong tree. I see this as an oppotunity to have a reality check about what is happening within the sessions.

As you mentioned, you are keeping your T at arms length and slowly you will establish a healthy relationship. I suppose I have gone about it the wrong way, fallen head over heals and now need to withdraw without loosing the relationship totally.

My feelings do hurt. A lot. Especially after the social meeting by accident. I am finding it hard to get from one week to the next. I have never called her between sessions (other than to rearrange) and don't want to start now. I am becoming dependant (if not already) and I am certain I will not give in on myself and contact her outside our planned meetings. Don't get me wrong, I want to.

Thanks for your comments. Its good to know that someone else has been through a similar experience and can rationally talk about in the past tense. I hope you get that 'healthy relationship' with bubba. When you say you are working on being a bit more needy, is bubba the one trying to draw that out of you? Does bubba feel you are not communicating like you used to? Was your way to deal with feelings for bubba to withdraw?


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