Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Being Heard

Posted by fallsfall on February 9, 2004, at 13:34:37

Therapy has been so hard for me in the last couple of weeks. Immense pain, and frustration, and invalidation. It has been miserable.

This morning was better, though. I'm so glad - I really needed a break. I think that he is starting to understand what I'm trying to tell him. He still maintains (and he's right) that getting what I am asking for wouldn't be good for me. I don't dispute that. But I, at least, need to know that he does understand WHAT I am asking for.

I also brought up "optimal frustration" - this is a term that Kohut uses (and my therapist really likes Kohut). If a patient is never pushed/challenged/frustrated then they will never learn anything new. If a patient is pushed/challenged/frustrated too much then they will collapse under the stress. There is a middle ground, where learning can best occur.

I think that I needed to clarify with him that we do have the same goal (I should not need his approval for my survival). And that satisfying that need all the time would reduce my motivation and could tend to emphasize some things that shouldn't be emphasized (like he was pleased that I was angry with him last week - so it is possible that I would interpret that to mean that I should be angry all the time, which would not be so good). And that there is a limit to how much I can take (though I don't think that he would ever agree to that out loud - both last session and this session he did fill *some* of my need).

And when it was time to stop he said that the time goes so quickly - he's not sure why it goes so quickly. He really apologized for having to stop in the middle of what we were talking about. And we did start early (7 - 10 minutes early), and he said that he did that because he knew that he wouldn't be able to go over and he knew we had important things to discuss. That made me feel good.

Being heard really is a relief.




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