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Re: I think I don't understand sex *at all* (long)

Posted by zeugma on February 8, 2004, at 20:21:49

In reply to Re: I think I don't understand sex *at all* Dinah, posted by Fallen4myT on February 8, 2004, at 0:32:16

I seem to be the only male responding to this topic... I have a LOT of serious issues around sex, chiefly around being at once obsessed with sex yet seriously inhibited about its expression. When I was in a relationship years ago (they have been few and far between) I would have sex ALL the time, I mean constantly. With one person. I lost my inhibitions with this one person because we had been through so much together (we both had major issues with depression, she had many traumas and so have I, and we had gone through a disastrously *failed* romance together before getting together the second time), and I was much happier- it was the only period in my life that I would consider myself *in remission* from depression.

Being able to express myself sexually definitely helped my depression. After breaking up with her I went many years without a relationship, and the only person i ever had sex with (infrequently) was her. We did this when she was between relationships. I saw this as somewhat pathological on my part, i.e., i needed to have sex, but I was unable to do anything about this except with a person i already knew was receptive to me. part of this is my Avoidant Personality disorder- I am afraid to make a move unless sure of not being rejected. I was not on meds during the time I was with her, not because I wasn't depressed (though like i said, it was the nearest to remission I had ever been) but because the AD's and ADD meds of the era (Prozac, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Ritalin, Cylert) were not tolerable. Now I am on a lot of meds and I feel like the 'ice' is breaking up inside my head. My sex drive is also beginning to increase. I always had a lot of sexual fantasies, but also a lot of reasons why I couldnt'pursue them- I was too depressed, too broke, too ugly or physically undesirable for any girl to want me. So what happens when depression finally recedes enough to have to confront them?

Just to end on another note: Understanding a person sexually is one of the most powerful things I have ever experienced. It seems like all the women I have been attracted to have complex issues with sex, and somehow this adds to the attraction for me, even when it caused relationship problems (for example my ex-girlfriend desiring an open relationship). My therapist was concerned that the woman I am currently interested in was acting in a 'sadistic' way towards me. Maybe she was (is), but the kinds of complications I am imagining in her head seem to arouse me- it's not just masochism on my part, I suppose it's because i feel damaged myself and so A) i don't deserve to be treated well and B) complications are so much more interesting than simplicities.




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