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Weeellll........ Dinah

Posted by Racer on February 7, 2004, at 18:33:26

In reply to I think I don't understand sex *at all*, posted by Dinah on February 7, 2004, at 11:38:18

This is one of those things that can get me all tied up into sentences that run on forever without ever untwisting themselves into sense and usually contain no punctuation...

OK, now that I've had some fun, here are a few thoughts about it from someone who does get quite clouded by desire. First off, I was sexually abused and later raped by an acquaintance, so I do fit into the whole set of behaviors associated with those experiences. That's just to add a little context.

Hm, I think someone's already said this, but sex isn't always just sex. This being one of my "issues" I can tell you that for me it's usually about control, and a desire to be protected. Classic good looks are a lot less important than my perception that this would be A Good Protector. Does that make any sense? I'm not saying that I go after men intending to be a parasite and have them bring me peeled grapes on a platter, just that I tend to be attracted to men I perceive as being able to provide me with a feeling of safety.

Also, there's the responsibility part. Whether this has to do with my fears of commitment or the lack of control and thus responsibility I experienced as a child, I can't say. All I can say is that, when I've strayed outside a relationship, it's usually included some element of "I'm being irresponsible, I'm risking the good solid reality of my relationship, and I'm just sinking into it because it's here, it's now, and it feels good." And yes, I have been unfaithful in several exclusive relationships in the past, so I'm speaking from experience.

Last, but not least, here's a funny for you that might have some truth to it: I heard a stand up comic say once, "If you've seen one woman naked, you want to see them *all* naked..." Yeah, caveman humor, but I think that's part of it for me. I just sometimes want to try all of them out, see if it feels good. (Also, sex for me is still best with just a little tension. First times are better than tenth times, so...)

Hope that helps.


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